A Descent Into Madness

A Light in a Dark Place

   It was getting close to about 5 o'clock and I took a shower as usual but when I got out I felt so much more tired than I usually do so I told Jessy I was gonna sleep earlier tonight and went to sleep. I had a dream. If you remember me saying I never dream this is a big deal, it was strange, I had more like memories or flashbacks than a dream but from what I remembered in the dream I had fought with someone that looked familiar but I couldn't really put a finger on who it was and I was pushed down and they started running and I chased them but after that it's blank. I also remember a warm thick liquid on my clothes and then another warm liquid running all over my body. I woke up late too, it was about 12:30 and I got up and went to the living room still in my panties and sleep shirt. and I saw the news, some guy had been killed and they found the bodies of 2 of the missing 5 persons, I wasnt much intrested in that so I changed channels to a rerun of Rediculoussness

   Then realized I hadn't sent my streaks so I quickly opened Snapchat and sent them then texted Jessy letting him know I was up. Then he responded "TURN TO THE NEWS! ARE YOU SEEING THIS?!?!" I turned the chanel back to the news to see what was going on and the reporter was talking about how there was a possible serial killer in our neighborhood and a investigation was going. The killed people were all people that I knew and grew up with, Jason, my first crush, Bobby, the neighborhood jackass, Anna, that bitch that stole Jason so many years ago, Mr. Camerroll the owner of The Super Market down the street, Sue, the girl no one really talked to and then one of the priests at the church I used to go to when I was younger. For a moment it didn't sink in that they were really dead then i started to think more... they're gone, they aren't coming back, granted some of them I never liked but they were still close to me and had always been around. No more will I see them walking on the street or at school. I called Jessy not knowing what else to do just needing someone to talk to. He answered "Hello?" I could tell he was shaken too from the way his voice sounded. "I need someone to talk to." I say breaking into a cry. He asked "Is your dad home?" "No" I tell him. "I'll be there shortly. Are you ok alone for a few minutes?" I answer "Yes." 

   I really don't know why I took that so hard the way I didn't know any of them very closely I guess you don't really know what you care about until its gone. I sat there wishing Jessy would hurry up and get there, I wished anyone would hurry up and get there, my Dad was still working and wouldn't be off until around 7. Then my thoughts drifted to my brother Carl, how he would be comferting me and holding me right now if he were here, and I missed him so much more than I had ever before, I think back to the day he died, how Dad sounded over the phone when he called me to tell me what had happened. I balled up holding a pillow and letting the tears come. At that moment I heard the door unlock and I heard Jessy yell into the house "Clare?!? It's me Jessy!"  He knew where the spare key was so he let himself in. He walked into the kitchen and saw me on the couch crying and walked over to me and said nothing and just began to hold me. Then it snapped into my mind that I was still in my panties but Jessy didn't seem to mind at all, he just held me like it was normal and I just cried, he turned off the tv, it went on like that for about 15 minutes then I colected myself and looked up from my pillow and saw Jessy sitting there looking back at me with a small tear in his right eye going down the side of his nose. I hugged onto him and whispered "Thank you." Then he put his arms around me too and just held me. For those few minutes I felt completely safe and I was calm and at eas with everything around me. I felt someting I hadn't felt in a long time, I felt cared for, I felt loved. I didn't know if at the time he loved me back but I knew I loved him. So I took a chance, I told him. "I think I love you." I whispered. He said nothing, he stopped hugging me then looked me in the eyes then moved in closer and without even thinking I moved in and kissed him. We kissed for a really long time and I could feel his hand moving up my back and pulling me closer to him. I push him off of me not knowing if I wanted to keep going or not, then I make up my mind and I climb ontop of him and keep kissing him but I whisper "Not now." and I lay on him thinking of what we just did and what we could do and I smile. I hear him whisper "I love you too."

   I woke up in his arms not even knowing I had fallen asleep. I looked at my phone to check the time, 3:23. I look up and he's still awake and had been playing with my hair and he looks at me and smiles and I couldn't help but smile back. Then I rememeber what had happened and I feel sad again but not as bad as it was before. "So do you wanna go do something to get your mind off of everything?" he asked in a soft voice. "Yes. Can we go for a long drive in your car?" I ask already knowing his answer. "Of course." he said standing up. "But you should put some pants on first." he said as he looked down at my panties. I smile a little and feel somewhat special, "Good idea."