A Descent Into Madness

In The Family

I never saw his eyes look at anything the way he did at me then. "What is it?" I ask. "It's... It's ok baby." He said shaking with fear. "Dad you're scaring me. What happened?" I say slowly walking down the stares more. "It's gonna be ok baby. I promise I won't let anything happen to you. No matter what you're still my little girl." He says backing up as I come closer. "Dad you're really scaring me. What's going on? Why are you acting like this? What happened?!?" I say as my heart starts to really pound and my breathes start to get shorter and faster. "I saw you last night. With that Niana girl. Saw what you did... Is it you? Have you been doing this?" He suddenly gets more scared sounding. I noticed the TV was on and the news was playing but it was silent. A picture of Niana Anderson, the girl who was concedered the 'Queen Whore' a nickname given to her for fucking 4 guys while dating 2 of them at the same time, one being Jessy, was on there saying she had been stabbed 37 times after being strangled to death. My mind went racing with thoughts and questions. Where did Dad see me with her? Why would he think I did this? Am I being framed? Who would do this? Why me? What the fuck is going on?!? I didn't answer my father. "Baby it will be ok. I promise. No matter what you are still my little girl and I'm not going to let anything happen to you." I didn't say anything, just walked down and hugged him and cried on his shoulder.

   We sat down on the couch and I cried. Cried and cried and cried some more. "I don't understand." I said snobbing. "I don't get it, I didn't do this, I didn't hurt anyone!" I start crying more. "I swear daddy I didn't do it!" He moves away a little and looks at me, "I saw you. I know what I saw." He said serious and cold but still sweet and understanding at the same time. "It wasn't me daddy I swear. I didn't do this. Maybe I'm being framed." I say. "I know what I saw." And I knew he did, I knew he saw me because he has the best eyes there are, he was a sniper in the military but he never talked about it. What if i am the murder? What if I've been killing people in my sleep. That's why I've been so tired, that's why I have been having these dreams, they're memories bit dreams, that's where my clothes have been going and why I've been wearing different clothes when I wake up, that's what I was doing all week last week... But why? Why have I been doing this? It wasn't even me that did it, it was something else.

   I got up, walked away and went into my room to think. My phone went off but I didn't check it, I didn't care who it was, I was afraid that if I did I would only be making things worse anyway. I thought this though very carefully. I knew that when I went to sleep tonight that someone I know and maybe love a lot would die. I knew that if I didn't stop myself I would get worse. I knew that I wasn't going to stop unless I made myself stop. I couldn't stop myself because it wasn't me, it was something else using me. Like I had a second personality. I was so scared, so mad, so sorry, so sad, so lonely. And I thought about my brother, what he would do in this situation, what is the best thing, turn myself in? Then what? Go to juvy till I am old enough to go to jail for life? Mental stockade? Death row? Leave the country to some place where there is no one? Or do something that would be the easiest on myself... Easiest on everyone else. Just end it. Just do it. Stop the killing and stop the pain, stop it all. I knew I couldn't do that. I don't have the guts, I'll bitch out before I do it. Unless I jump. It'll be no turning back and it'll be easier. Then my dad interrupted my thoughts with a loud bang on the door. "Baby? It's going to be ok. Going to make everything better, I promise." What could he possibly do to help? "How?!" I yell back. "I'm going to call a friend to take you away to a safe place, I know it's not you doing this, your mother had this problem... She couldn't control it, she had gotten better at not letting it show and every night I had to tie her down. It wasn't a car crash, she was fighting it. She lost. Your brother tried to keep the wheel straight but she yanked it and hit another car, she died instantly. Your brother knew, I told him when he was about your age now. He took it hard. For awhile he seemed ok but then I noticed he started coming home later and going out more. He stopped talking as much. One night when he was sleeping he woke up and walked into the living room and got my gun and shot himself. The neighbors heard the shot, called the cops and they called me and told me. Remember that day I called you while you were at softball practice and told you? Well that's the story in full. I was wishing that you would have more time before we had to deal with this, when the killings started I was praying and hoping that it wasn't you but I knew in the back of my head what was going on. It only really took stock in my mind when I saw you do it. But I'm going to make it better I promise. I'm going to turn myself in saying it was me and I'm going to send you with your uncle to Alaska and he is going to watch over you." I was in tears and walking to my closet where I knew what I was going to do, and I wasn't going to bitch out either.