Still Breathing [Jacob Black]

Chapter One

Felicity

Elijah and I stared at the table, avoiding one another's eyes. He didn't want to see the pain in mine and I didn't want to see the guilt in his—it wouldn't help anything. Wouldn't change our situation. He felt bad, but this was all his fault. I wasn't going to take in his guilt and then comfort him. He didn't deserve it. And he probably didn't want it. Not from me, anyway.

He was divorcing me.

We'd been married less than a year, and he was already calling it quits. Because "staying together will only hurt me in the long run." As if I'm not torn apart right now.

"I'm so sorry, City," he said quietly. What sucked was that he actually did sound sorry. It didn't help anything, but it was better than my dear Eli suddenly turning into a person that cared nothing for me at all. He clearly cared. Apparently it just was not enough.

My eyes remaining lowered, I asked, "Why?"

"I don't want to hurt you."

Pressing my lips together, I lifted my angry gaze to his face. I didn't meet his eyes, but I studied his features. They were drawn. He was paler than usual. "Too late, Elijah." He flinched at my use of his full name. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd called him that. "Please don't make me wonder. Just tell me what's going on. There's obviously someone else." He flinched again. My assumption was correct. "It'd be better if you told me about it now instead of leaving me to find out through someone else or—" my voice broke, and I cleared my throat before continuing. "Or bumping into you around and finding out that way. I don't want to be caught off guard like that."

"I don't want you to be caught off guard by anything either." He sighed, running his hands roughly through his hair. "This is...this isn't what I picture for us, City. We were going to make it. I knew we were. We're young, but damn it, I fucking love you."

Now I locked my gaze with his. I tried not to register the mixture of emotions churning within his, focusing instead on showing him how I felt. I couldn't explicitly vocalize all of it at the moment. He deserved to know regardless. "Not enough."

His eyes widened and he shook his head. "No. No, no, no. That's not it at all. I still love you—so much. It's not that it's not enough. It's just...different."

My eyes rolled. "You'll have to forgive me if I don't put much weight in that at the moment." He frowned but didn't argue so I prompted, "Tell me."

A breath slowly released from his lips as he nodded. "Okay. Fine. So." He paused. "This isn't going to make much sense. I can't think of any way to explain it to you that isn't extremely fucked up, so bear with me." Another hesitation. "I went down to the bakery on the rez—you know, the one Ms. Call owns?" I just stared at him. He knew damn well that I was aware of the bakery he was talking about. We'd ordered our wedding cake from there. "Right. So I was there and I was going to pick up dessert for us, because I know how upset you've been lately over what's going on with your parents, and I...I kind of ran into someone."

He paused again, and my patience wore even thinner. "Like, literally?"

"No." Elijah forced a cough. "No, like...I saw her."

Her. There it was, confirmed another time. There was someone else. The pain I'd been feeling before doubled its efforts, digging into my chest.

Elijah apparently saw this on my face because he began speaking faster now, as if that'd make this easier. "I saw her and...shit, City. I can't explain it. I love you. I love you so much, and I never imagined there could be anything more. I know you understand that because we shared that." We had—or I'd thought we did. "But the world...it changed when I saw her. And I tried to act normal, like nothing happened, but my mind isn't shifting back to the way it was before."