A Letter To You

Letter Number 11 - The Perfect Pebble

Dear Ollie

Our day in central London was far from over. We sat in St James’ park for about forty-five minutes, just chatting and laughing and enjoying each other’s company and once I had my energy back we set of towards Covent Gardens.

You told me originally that we were going to walk, but with the previous incident you told me we’d get the tube. So we hoped on another very crowded tube train, and headed to Covent Gardens. Again when I got off the train I thought I was going to die, but obviously I didn’t.

Anyhow, we walked round Covent Garden market for a while. We went to this one stall where a little old lady was selling warm melted chocolate and strawberries. The lady gave us a little pot of melted chocolate and a decent size bowl of strawberries each. I was just standing around casually eating me strawberries when some idiot, (you), decided to get a load of chocolate on their finger and wipe it all over my left cheek.

“OLLIE!” I squealed as you began to laugh hysterically. I tried to wipe the chocolate off my face with my fingers, but really I was just making it worse. So the nice old lady at the stall gave me a napkin; I thanked her and began wiping the chocolate of my cheek.

I just about had all the sticky chocolate off when that same idiot, (you), decided to wipe more chocolate on my right cheek.

“Oh that’s it, you’re going get it now” I smirked evilly “I’m giving you one second to run” Before I’d even finished speaking you had sped off into some bar.

I was about to run after you when the little old lady said, “He’s just teasing you dear. Harold was always doing stuff like that when we were younger, don’t be too harsh on him”

“You don’t know Ollie, he’s not teasing, he’s just purposely being annoying,” I explained.

“Oh no dear, men always like to tease their lady, especially when they’re young” I kind of just stared at her for a few minutes with my mouth hanging open. She thought you were my boyfriend! I mean don’t get me wrong you have always been really attractive, but at that point being your girlfriend hadn’t even crossed my mind, and if I’m being honest being with you in that way didn’t appeal to me very much, especially after what you’d put me through.

“I’m sorry, but you’re mistaken. Ollie isn’t my boyfriend, he’s just my friend” I said a little hesitantly with a small smile.

The lady actually looked a little shocked when I said that “Well, you had me fooled dear. Here, wipe your face” She gave me another tissue, and then went to serve some other customers.

I began to walk towards the pub you had gone to hide in when I spotted a guy sneaking out a back exit holding a menu in front of their face.

I automatically knew it was you, and lucky for me you hadn’t noticed me standing across the square from you yet. I stealthily snuck up behind you and when I was close enough I jumped on your back screaming “Die Mother fucker!” 

You fell to the ground with your eyes glued shut screaming like a little girl. Once you were done screaming you started crying for your daddy and whimpered something about being attractive and bum rape. Oh my god you were so funny. That was defiantly the best part of my day; it was even better then the smurf incident.

I just sat on your back for a few minutes as you whimpered away. Yes, we did get a lot of weird looks, but it was so worth it. When you realised nothing was happening, you opened your eyes and looked round at me. Your face literally went from being as white as a ghost, too as red as a red panda.

“Payback” I smirked.

“Evil child” You glared.

I smirked at you for about ten minutes, while you continued to glare back at me. We finally snapped out of it when a policeman patrolling asked what the hell we were doing. The pair of us sprung to our feet like and tried to explain to the policeman why the hell we were lying on the floor.