A Coyote's Complaint

ACME Co.

1949 Warner Str.

ACME Acres, 221719

Dear ACME Co.,

Usually I am fairly satisfied by the used of your products. Your speedy delivery and vast variety of products is unmatched by any other company I am aware of. That is the reason I depended on you whenever I was in need.

However, my recent purchases have not served me well. You see, for reasons I refuse to explain, I reside in the middle of a desert. Therefore, it is reasonable to assume that food is not an easily obtainable resource for me. So when a certain speedy blue bird passes me by naturally I attempt to catch it. Since the Accelleratii Incredibus known for its highly accelerated speed I am unable to do so on my own. That is why I turned to your products for help.

Since then I have ordered multiple costumes, a hang glider, an anvil, paint, a robot on one specific occasion, and countless other cases where none of these products worked to lead me toward my ultimate goal. I personally suggest you have a problem if even the paint proves to be dysfunctional. I am still going hungry. Consider for a moment my utter embarrassment as another one of my well-thought-out plans blows up (quite literally) in my face while that wretched Roadrunner dashes by, taunting me with his repetitious “Meep-Meep”.

So I refuse to pay this lengthy bill you have presented me with. Frankly I’m quite shocked you have the audacity to do so. I will cough up the dough once you present me with a functional product and my stomach is full. I consider that a fair deal. Hopefully you consider now that you hopefully understand my plight. I eagerly await your reply.

Sincerely,

Wile E. Coyote/Carnivorous Vulgaris/Genius