Smile

3

I woke up

with a pounding headache.

I probably

shouldn't have gone to the party,

but I did anyways.

Now,

I'm paying the price.

And every time I take a step,

I feel light headed,

and black dots dance in front of my eyes.

My parents aren't home.

They left early,

and didn't bother to make sure

I was okay.

But I guess

I shouldn't complain.

I mean,

now,

I have my own car,

and everything I could ever ask for.

I don't need a job,

and I have all the latest fashions.

I'm even pretty now.

Sort of.

But I guess my parents

just don't want to be around me anymore.

Which is why

I used my shaving razor

to cut my wrist

for being such an outcast

that nobody likes.

 

* * *

 

I tried to be

fashionable today.

Which is why I wore

designer jeans,

a sequined tank top,

and designer ankle boots.

I even put my hair

into a fishtail braid,

and wore make-up on my face.

After I had gotten ready,

I threw up in the bathroom.

I had to change my shirt,

and redo my makeup.

I didn't eat breakfast,

because I didn't deserve it.

 

* * *

 

I didn't see Josie

in my classes today.

But I saw her at lunch,

laughing with her friends.

She looked at me,

but never invited me over,

so I sat at a table alone.

I didn't eat again,

so I listened to my music instead.

I looked around the canteen,

while the heavy metal

pounded in my ears.

I spotted a girl

with a huge smile on her face,

love struck.

The boy she sat with

had the same look on his face,

and you could just tell

they were in love,

and that they were girlfriend and boyfriend.

I looked away,

because I couldn't bear to watch it anymore.

It was too painful to see them

so happy together,

while I was terribly alone.

 

* * *

 

When I got back home,

with loads of homework,

no one was home.

Again.

I'm starting to think,

that my parents never come back,

and just sleep wherever they go,

because I'm just that terrible.

So I cut my wrist again,

and didn't eat dinner.

I then went out on a run,

anger burning in my system,

making me go faster.

When I got back,

I finished my homework

as quickly as possible,

and went for a walk on the beach.

But I wore my clothes,

and didn't wear a swimsuit.

It would have been

just another thing

for the other teens

to make fun of me for

if I did.

 

* * *

 

I was surprised to find

Delilah home

when I got back.

She said, "Hey."

I nodded back in response.

We ended up

watching a movie together.

It was a Rom Com.

She laughed her head off,

and cried at the sad parts.

But I just stared at the screen,

wondering how

they could have

such a happy ending

when life is so different.

When there isn't really

that perfect guy

who will hold you,

and whisper in your ear,

"Don't worry, 

you're safe with me."