Smile

12

I skipped school
Today
And went to the beach
For a while.
The counselor
Will probably call
Telling my parents
That I skipped our session,
But I don't really care.
My thoughts
Were consumed of Shane.
Me and him
Hang out all the time now.
I only talk a little bit,
But it's nice,
Because
He doesn't push me
To talk.
He just accepts me
For me.

He cares.

I just realized this
As I'm sitting on the beach.
I'm the only one there
Because it's now November,
And it's too cold out
For people to hang out here.
But I'm here.
And as my brain slowly processes
The fact that Shane cares
A tear dripped down my face.
Not a sad tear,
But a grateful one.

But if he cares,
Then what do I do?
Do I get better?
I don't know if I can.
I don't know if I want to.
I mean,
What's the point?
So one person cares.
How does that affect me,
When I go off to college,
Or if he moves,
Or if I move,
Or
If he leaves?
I wouldn't be able to handle it.
Delilah might care,
But even my parents don't.
So why should I?
My own parents
Don't care
About the child they gave birth to.
Who else could?
Shane might,
But probably temporarily.
Maybe he cares
About my looks
More than me.
I don't know.
But I couldn't handle it
Right that second,
So I went home,
And fell asleep.

***

Shane invited me
To go to church with him
The other day.
I told him
Maybe,
But I don't know
If I'll actually go.
I mean,
If there is a God,
Why would He give me
Such uncaring parents?
Why would everyone hate me,
If He exists?
Isn't God supposed to be Love?
Isn't He supposed to care?
It's obvious He doesn't,
If He even exists.
But because
I didn't want to be home
Alone,
I told him
I would go.