Your Voice | Luke Hemmings

Chapter 3 "Lost in Reality"

Luke

"I can't do it!" I threw the pencil and paper to Ashton.

Ashton just tapped my back, "Luke, if you're not fine then i think we should talk about it."

"I told you about a hundred times already, I am fine," I looked away to hide the tears that is starting to fall, "I just can't write any songs. I am lost at words. No matter how hard I try I feel so empty and blank." I let out a heaved sigh.

"We both know who is the reason of your writer's block," Ashton then continued, "ever since your major break up with--"

"Don't mention her fucking name!" I quickly snapped.

"--okay, with her, you can't write songs anymore. Maybe you should go and see a therapist."

I can't believe I'm hearing this from Ashton, "so you mean i need to go see a therapist cause I've gone crazy because of her?"

"No, i want you to go see a therapist because i care for you."

"Ashton, just give me some time. If i still haven't wrote a song by next week, fine, I'll do what you want. I just want to be alone for now."

"Okay. If that's what you want. Take your time." Ashton then closed the door.

***

"How many days are you staying there?" Michael asked.

"A week." I grabbed the last shirt and put it in my suitcase. "There, that should be the last one."

"I still don't understand why you have to go. We have a full album to finish and you haven't even contributed any song yet and now you're going on a vacation?" Calum asked.

He has a point though. I should be here helping them. But even if I am here I am still no help at all. I am just a headache for them to worry and I don't want other people to worry about me. It's best for me to be alone and solve my own problems first.

"I'll be back as soon as I can. I'll try to write some songs there if I can," I promised.

"Be careful. Don't be a dick. Remember the management is not aware about this small vacation of yours. So try to avoid meeting some fans."

"Ashton you don't have to remind me that. I'm not that stupid kid anymore. I should go now. See you next week," I grabbed my suitcase and went to my car.

***

The sun finally rose. I've been driving for the whole night and to be honest I really don't know where I am now. I just want to be lost. To go somewhere which i don't know. I looked at my left and saw the sun kissing the sea. It's such a beautiful view that i can't stop looking at it. I pulled off and parked the car at the side where no one can easily notice. I wore my hoodie and sunglasses. The least thing that I want is to be seen by fans in this wrecked stage of mine. I grabbed my notebook and pencil hoping that finally the words would visit me.

I ran straight to the shores. I inhaled the sea breeze, smiling, it was indeed refreshing. I took a seat on the sand and looked over the horizon. What if this is just what i really needed? Some time to myself? I couldn't even remember the last time that I spent some quality time alone. If ever I get to hang out, I am with my mates or if not I'm with her.

The thought of her just made me angry at myself for thinking about her again. I'm not sure what to feel about her anymore. What should you feel when your girlfriend cheated on you? It's fine to be angry right? But one year already passed and everyone is telling me that I should just get over it and move on. But for some reason I still
can't. Which is quite confusing.

Is it grudge and hatred or I am still in love with her?