C o l d

~26~

Draft: 30/03/18   21:44
Published: 3/03/18   02:14

⚠️ ⚠️ WARNING ⚠️ ⚠️
MENTIONS OF SUICIDE.
PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION

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'You deserve more. You deserve a whole lot more,'
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.
.
.
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jiae wasn't at school today.

i'm worried for her. she always goes to school, even when she might have a broken leg or pneumonia she will always go to school.

"it's only a chest infection! i'm not going to die!" she told me one time when she actually caught pneumonia. her skin was pale, her eyes looked dead, and her hair looked like sheeps wool that wasn't weaved into yarn yet. she needed to go to sleep yet she stayed in school.

until she collapsed that is.

everyone wouldn't tell me a thing about her. everyone ignored me and pushed their way through me, acting as if i was a ghost. don't they realise that i was genuinely concerned for someone and that i just wanted to know how she was doing?

people are so stupid these days. they fear people for such stupid reasons. a person could look like a stereotypical muslim and people around them would avoid them simply because of their prejudice thoughts. a person could he openly gay and be the most nicest person you'd ever meet but people around them would be too 'scared' to talk to them. i also heard in america it's acceptable to say that you 'thought they were trans' when you killed someone. that's ridiculous in itself.

i didn't mean to 'come out' as they say. jina spread the word that i was gay a few years ago and many people stayed clear of me. when jina didn't see them go, she made up rumours that i had lice or something to scare them off.

only jiae and daehyun seemed to stay.

daehyun hasn't come to school in a long time. i guess jina did something to him to make him scared to come to school.

my thoughts are cleared when i receive a text message from someone. i'm nearly home so i sigh when i get it. who could it be.

New message from Jiae💗💗

...jiae?

it's another text asking for me to forgive her. but...surely if she was off today, she wouldn't bother texting me? and she always texts me at seven in the evening. why did she stop doing that routine now?

Jiae💗💗
[Y/n], you are someone that I hold very dear. You will never know how much I love you, how much I want you to be happy. I want you to laugh. I want you to smile and make jokes like you used to. I don't care what happens to me. No one cares about me. My mum and dad are never there for me. They always go on business trips and leave me here in this big, empty, silent house all by myself. They don't care. But you do. You looked after me when they didn't. You let me stay at your home when I felt alone and scared. You let me stay at your house when I could hear scary and abnormal noises in my house in two in the morning. You care. And because of that, I care about you. I care about you so much that I love you.

Jiae💗💗
Jina told me if I didn't stop my friendship with you that she'd tell the whole school about your relationship with Jungkook. She was going to spill everything. She was going to destroy you. I couldn't let that happen. So I destroyed our relationship. I tore it down. But in the process, I was the one who destroyed you. I killed you. I made you an empty vessel. I made you into an entirely different person. I battered into you repeatedly. And then everyone joined in for no reason but to see you crumble. I hated it. I hated seeing that. And I can't live knowing I was the reason. I was the reason you're not you. I can't. So, before I go, I want you to know.

Jiae💗💗
I love you [Y/n] Kim

...what?

...what?!

no no no nonononono

my legs move on their own, turning backwards and sprinting to jiae's house. my head suddenly feels light and my sight is blurred. tears. there's tears. i shakily take my phone and press 999 on it, gulping down acid that seemed to spill on my tongue.

"hello this is the emergency department who do you need?" the secretary says patiently, her voice sweet and soothing.

it almost makes me forget what just happen.

"i need-i need the ambulance please," i say shakily, nearly boaking as i raced down the road, bumping into some people.

"alright sir please stay calm," she says, passing me over to the hospital.

"hello this is seoul hospital how can i help?" The secretary for the hospital says to me. gulping down my spit, i talk very abruptly.

"please my friend just sent me a suicidal text. she lives in yeontan drive just please get to her quickly," i practically yell, my eyes sobbing and mouth screaming. just get to her. get to her please.

the man murmurs and then gets back to me "where are you now sir?" he asks me. what the heck?! why aren't they sending an ambulance?!

i breathe in slowly, trying to calm my nerves as i see where i was. i'm near the supermarket...that is no where near jiae's house.

i'll probably be there in ten minutes.

"i'm near tesco beside 'suki's hairdressers'," i say to him, trying to stop sobbing.

"alright sir. an ambulance is on its way," he says. i sigh a breath of relief.

she'll be fine.

she has to be.

"thank you,"

i hang up, not knowing if i was supposed to do that, before running faster. adrenaline pumps through my veins, making me run faster than what i thought i could. i turn and fall on my face. my hands are stinging and my face hurts but i get up. i need to get to her. i need to know that she's alright.

i won't be able to live with myself if i don't.

i run and run until i could no longer feel my legs. suddenly, the house comes to view, and i sigh in happiness, more tears spilling from my eyes. i throw my bag on the road in front of their lawn, not caring when i heard the shout of her dad call for me.

i rip the door open, clawing at the handle and bound up the grey stairs.

"[y/n]? what are you doing here?"

i don't respond. they're not the reason i'm here. god dammit, she better be alive or so help me i'll tear this whole world apart! please, god, please spare her. take me. please!

i quickly approach her bedroom door, ripping the door open and-

there, swinging back and forth, was the corpse of Jiae Kang.

I regurgitate my lunch, spraying it on the floor, before my eyelids cover my eyes and i faint.