C o l d

~28~

Draft: 03/04/18   20:56
Published: 05/04/18   21:13
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'I'm only human which means I'm not perfect. In fact, I'm nowhere near perfect,'
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i wake up, tears stuck on my face and a bitter taste stained in my mouth. i realise then and there i am on the sofa of jiae's parents. it's black and soft. very bouncy. but the only thing that is out of place are the police officers everywhere.

my dream wasn't a dream.

it was real life.

i feel like i'm going to be sick again.

i don't understand. i thought she...she wasn't like me. i thought she was happy. i thought she didn't have a clue what depression was like.

maybe she didn't know she had depression.

gosh. using past tense words are going to kill me mentally and physically.

"sir?"

i turn my head, seeing a police officer kneeling down beside me. she's smiling gently down at me with...

pity

she has a book in her hand which is a soft purple colour, jiae's favourite colour. she then sighs and looks at it.

"this book is for you. jiae mentions you in all of the pages. i think she wants you to have it," she says, carefully giving me the book. i take it, and look at it. it seems like she had drew on yellow stars in the outside of it. it looks so innocent.

"you read this?" i asks, looking up to her eyes. the police woman looks at me and nods, before walking off. she must not want me to call her off. makes sense.

i was going to do that.

i gulp. i don't want this to be a suicide note. i'm going to cry again. and i don't like crying. and i still don't want to believe she's dead. she can't be. she's the most happiest person i know.

i open the book.

i skim over the page.

Dear Kim [Y/n],

You're the best friend I could ever have. You're the best person I know and will ever know.

I know how conscious you are about your looks. Believe me, they're amazing. They make you who you are. They're the reason I love you. Because you are beautiful inside and out.

When I go, please don't cry. Please don't be upset or angry. Just remember who I was and not what I am. I'm the friend who made you laugh when you were covered in mud. I was the friend who protected you from Jina. I was the friend who loves you to the moon and back.

I'm your friend.

What Jina and the other classmates tell you are wrong. Soyi loves you as a son and nothing else. She sees you as a son. She loves you. Don't you dare question it. Minsu looks up to you and loves you so much. He doesn't even know you're adopted. He loves you. Don't you dare question that either.

You have so many people who love you as well. Don't blame yourself please. Because it isn't your fault. It's mine. I did this to you and myself. Just let me be at peace.