The Mischief Fidelity

Chapter 4

Exestsenislim. What a strange thought. The internal thought of life itself. It interests me. Somehow someway, we all live in a certain mindscape. Can someone prove to me that we are all on this earth together? Does every moment lead to a certain fate? If I choose to stray away from that destiny, will my future dramatically change? Do people's paths cross for a reason? The answer is yes, it should be yes. But then again, I don't know what to think. I believe in God. 

 When I run out of ideas to doodle, I tend to just draw spirals. That's when I get bored out my mind. And I travel down a rabbit hole. God would I love to go down a rabbit hole. I wish I could do dumb teenager stuff, but sadly, I was blessed with the gift of common sense. I was given a gift of obedience. I feel bad when I get yelled at by a teacher, even if it is about the simplest things. Which I do not get in trouble at school. I avoid that. I don't find pleasure in getting yelled at. To further my point, I've never broken a bone in my body. When my friends want to go jump off cliffs, I watch from a mile away, with the paramedics on speed dial. I wish I could just be that laid back. Even being at a coffee shop by myself seems cool. Look at me, I am finally being a teenager. 

 I hear the front doors swing open. By habit, I look towards them. A teenage boy walks in and heads to the counter to order his coffee. Normal things. The shop is unusually busy late at night. It isn't obnoxious, just full of people thinking all to themselves. I'm lucky I found myself a seat. Thoughts fly through my mind, but none made sense. I am experiencing a terrible amount of writer's block. I came here to find some sort of inspiration. Nothing's coming to mind. I don't like that feeling. It sucks, being bored. It's almost like experiencing a toxic cloud of nothing for your brain. 

I stare out past the glass door out into the night. The moon is in a crescent shape. I can't help but smile just glancing up at it. I flip to a new page in my journal, and I start to doodle the night sky. I begin with the surrounding stars. They become all different shapes and become all different brightnesses. I believe that all stars have differences like us humans do. We all shine differently, and we all use that shine differently. We may be different, but in the end, we are born, we live, we follow a path, and we die. I turn my pen in various lengths to shade the stars.

 The boy that strolled in immediately steps close to the counter like he already has an idea of what to order. Now I'm people watching. It's another thing I tend to do. I don't people watch on purpose, it's just, I'm not what you might call 'a social butterfly'. Witnessing human behavior can become quite entertaining. And the best part, you don't need to pay for a ticket. The boy pays in cash, politely thanks the cashier, and stands off to the side, trying to stay out of anybody's way. My brain immediately develops a fresh idea. I turn to another page in my journal and start to draw a jawline, followed by a whole face. Soon I add sparkling eyes, a sensitive smile, and all the additional facial details. I glance up at the boy again, trying to create the resemblance. He feels in his jeans pocket, his phone rests in the pocket where he felt. He doesn't take it out to look at it. It's almost like he thought he forgot it somewhere and had to check his pocket for confirmation. He doesn't look like he has an urge to reach in and grab his phone and play on it while waiting for his order. He just stares around the shop, examining it. I add some circles to my drawing. I draw small circles to big circles until it turns into a giant cloud floating above my boy's head. What could he be thinking about? I study the boy once again for any signs of images that could possibly drift around his head. I shoot a look down at the emptiness of the cloud on my page. Random symbols cross my mind and I start to draw the ones I think he would like the best. A cell phone, a watch, a music note. Maybe he's a music junkie. I add a guitar to the mix. What else could he be thinking about? Just then, one of the employees calls out a name and sets out a tall, large iced coffee on a far counter. The boy glimpses up at the worker and smiles as he walks toward the drink. I finally take a moment to seize a glance at this young man. I never realized his smile. It's contagious. He seizes the coffee and begins to break open a straw to stick it through the lid. Huh, iced coffee. I stare at my own drink. Kind of funny, I ordered an iced coffee too. I like iced coffee, even if it is after dark. I'm probably overthinking a small coincidence.