Hamza and Amy's Romantic Journey

Chapter 10

Amy Faber

It was finally the weekend and I managed to sleep in a bit because Kaiser woke up late. By late, I mean at nine o'clock instead of eight o'clock. He rarely slept later than eight.

I took Kaiser downstairs to give him his bottle of milk. As I put him on the floor to fill up his milk bottle, I felt a tug on my leg and looked to see Kaiser standing by himself, without holding anything! I was overcome with joy as I swooped him up. This was the first time Kaiser was standing by himself! He could crawl and stand holding things but he couldn't stand up himself. I gave him a big kiss on his chubby cheeks and squealed.

"Well done, Kaikai! You stood! Show me how you stand." This was the first time I was seeing a first with him. It took a over a month but I finally saw some progress.

I carried Kaiser upstairs to wake Hamza and share the good news.

"Hamja! Wake up!" I said, holding Kaiser so he jumped on Hamza's back."

"What?" Hamza grumbled, face buried in his pillow.

"Kaiser stood by himself. He got up holding my leg and stood!"

"Fantastic," Hamza said, not lifting his head from the pillow.

"What's wrong? Does Daddy not care?" The word slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it and I could see Hamza tense. "Uncle Hamza's ignoring you?" I said, covering up my blunder.

"I'm really tired, honey," Hamza replied and it dampened my mood. I took Kaiser downstairs and gave him his milk.

My stomach grumbled but I didn't want to eat. I had a gnawing feeling that Hamza didn't feel as close to Kaiser as I did. It I knew he was fond of Kaiser but I'd fallen in love with the little boy. All day, everyday, Kaiser was the centre of my thoughts. Everything now revolved around him.

I sat, playing with Kaiser until Hamza came down an hour later.

"Hey, little champ," Hamza said, tousling Kaiser's hair. "Now that I'm awake, can you show me how you stand?" He encouraged Kaiser to stand and then threw him in the air in delight. It eased my earlier worries a little.

"What would you like to eat?" I asked, not knowing what else to say.

"Grilled cheese sandwich," Hamza replied. "But I'll make it for the both of us, with a twist. I saw a good recipe online."

"That's not a breakfast."

"But it's yummy and that's the important thing!" Hamza started taking ingredients out while I watched him at work.

A short time later, he put a sandwich in front of me and then sat down with his own sandwich. He took a bite and smiled.

"So yummy! I just love the way you taste so much, habibti I just want you to myself,' Hamza sang to his grilled cheese sandwich as he took another big bite out of it. Recently, he'd heard Khaled Siddique's nasheed 'My Love'. The tune was stuck in his head so this was the second time he was singing it, but changing the words so it's about food.The first time, he sang, "For all the times that I needed some cake, I prayed to Allah for a wife that could bake."

I had to admit though, the sandwich was quite nice. It had a little spicy kick. I tore off a bit of the bread and gave it to Kaiser.

Once we were finished, Hamza began supervising Kaiser as I started on the laundry. The house phone rang and Hamza jumped up to answer it.

I went upstairs just to see if there were any other black clothes which needed washing. When I came back down, with one of Hamza's shirts, I asked him what the phone call was about.

It was a confirmation for an appointment we made for a fertility test. It was likely that the GP would refer us to specialists. We were soon going to be checked as to whether we could have babies or not.

Sensing the nervousness I felt, Hamza cupped my face.

"Don't worry about it. Whatever the outcome, we'll be fine, In'sha'Allah," he said, trying to comfort me.

"Let's pray that the outcome is good," I added. Hamza put his arms around me held me against him. It helped me believe his words, that he and I would be fine whatever the outcome.

It was a few weeks later that the outcome was revealed. It felt like a drawn out process. First, we went to the GP and they asked lots of personal questions and we had very awkward check ups. Then they sent us for a blood test, which seemed fine, alhamdulillah. Then they finally referred us to a specialist. We had did a few more awkward tests and then at last, the doctors called us in to discuss what they'd found.

During these few weeks, as if that stress wasn't enough, Jasmine had asked me to come to Germany with Kaiser as she didn't have the money to come and get him. I refused and then Jannic threatened me over the phone. Said he would accuse us of kidnapping Kaiser because we couldn't have a baby of our own. I was infuriated by his comment! If Kaiser was ever to go back to that monster, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to recover.

The whole morning was a rush on the day of the appointment in which we'd get our results. Hamza and I kept bickering over small things. First, I complained how he always gets up late. Then he got upset that I was upset at him for waking up late. Then he got irritated because I took too long in the shower while Kaiser was whining. That made me irritated! But at the end, when we dropped Kaiser off and sat back in the car to go to the hospital, Hamza reached out to take my hand.

"Everything will be fine," he said.

"Yeah, In'sha'Allah."

"In'sha'Allah."  

As we got closer, I felt more knots form in my stomach. What if we couldn't have babies? It would all be my fault. How would I live with the guilt of depriving a man like Hamza from fatherhood?

My legs shook as we got out of the car. I felt cold and I don't think it was because of the weather.

"If they hadn't found anything abnormal, would they still have called us in?" I asked Hamza as I followed him to the entrance of the hospital. "As in, is it possible that this appointment is just to tell us we're okay?" He took my hand again.

"Yes, it's possible. It's also possible that they might ask us to do some more tests."

"No, no more tests!"

"That might be better than the alternative," Hamza reminded me and I quietened.

Once we had been to the reception and gave our details, we sat in the waiting room and I leaned against Hamza. I tried not to think too hard on what would happen if the news we got was bad. I wasn't very successful though.

"If worse comes to worst, as Safia reminded me this morning, we still have the option of IVF," I said.

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that."

We went silent again. I wondered what Hamza was thinking but I was too scared to ask.

While I was trying to guess, our names were called out. We were finally going to get our results.

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Author's Note:

You know what I'm going to say...
I'M SORRY! But seriously guys, I'm teaching at a really rowdy school and it just takes up all my time and drains me. But, we're getting a Head of Department (finally) so my workload has lessened! So maybe I'll be able to write more, In'sha'Allah.