thoughts

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The day he left me I knew love wasn't for me. The pain was unbearable. That feeling in your chest as if someone gave your heart a hard squeeze, puncturing every wound that was ever healed by him, the type of pain where you crumple to the floor and cry your eyes out in your room or the nearest bathroom stall at school and don't make a sound as if your voice was muted, the type of crying where you're sobbing so hard that your eyes are puffy and red for a while. That pain made me question if life was even worth it, not because he broke my heart but because that feeling wasn't only going to happen with him but with family, friends, pets, everything i had ever loved, because they also had the power to make me vulnerable just as he had made me. Seeing him in the halls, seeing him in the lunch room, seeing him in class, as if nothing had happened between us, as if WE never existed, stung like a bitch. Seeing him happy, laughing, smiling, made me want to curl up in a ball and die in hole. You see he wasn't my first heartbreak but he took something I couldn't get back. My innocence.

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