Ditch

15

I think I like her.

—this is not the first time that I'm having a crush on my own friend?

I like Jung Eunbi, my friend.

Jung Eunbi was sitting on the bench. She was white as chalk. Her eyes and her mouth were frozen wide open in an expression of stunned surprise, and although he was there, she appeared not to notice him at all.

Jungkook arrived unannounced and his heart leap to see his journal being flipped to the page where he wrote down his feelings towards Eunbi, the person who was reading the whole thing. Entire. Thing.

"Eun-Eunbi," he stuttered, eyes were shaking as his lips were trembling. An ache and sorrow in the corner of his heart was too obvious to hide to himself, his face was pale as he was afraid of the upcoming words coming out of her mouth.

She glanced up, staring at him with no words though her face showed it all. Astonished, amused, something she never thought would happen, was happening in front of her eyes.

He stomped his feet as he rushed to take the book off of her hands, even that, she was frozen still. "What is all of these? Is that real? Was it you who wrote that? Is that a joke? It can't be real," she finally it, breaking the silence in the middle of cold winter.

"I wish it was not. B-but, I can explain, Eunbi. Please listen to me, for once. One last time," he replied in a slow tone, almost choked up in his own breath due to the adrenaline rush and the nervousness going through his body.

Eunbi didn't say a thing, she gave it in as he took another step closer to her and sat on the same bench. It felt unreal, the situation was tense and tight, he could feel the awkwardness around them—that was the last thing he ever wanted to feel when he's around her.

"I think y-you have read the part where I said, I fell for you since that prom night. I'm bad in complements so I wouldn't say it to you, now, no way. But you have read it, so I guess you get the idea why I fell for you. I'm sorry, I had been trying to stop the feelings from staying permanently but I failed," he said sympathetically. He could feel his legs and lips trembling, the winter air was not the reason why he felt his limbs frozen.

"But, you could find someone way better than me? I'm the replacement for Yerim, aren't I? That's ridiculous, I don't know if I should feel proud for replacing someone in your heart or feel ashamed. We both know I am not the type of girl you'd fall for,"

"But I know you more than anybody else do. There's more why I couldn't stop falling for you, but there's a lot more why I should stop falling for you. This is it, can't you feel the tense? I hate this feeling," he sighed.

"Stop being so apologetic to someone. You don't apologize for liking somebody, Jungkook. It is not your fault, it will never be," she said, his voice was soft unlike how she used to talk when things weren't like this.

"It is my fault. I like my own best friend, that's forbidden. This is the reason why people say males and females cannot be friend without falling for each other. I'm tired, and sick of falling for my own friend, because I will end up ditching them to move on," he paused, then.

"You know what happened to Yerim,"

"Yes. But I'm not her," she said, staring deep into his crystal eyes as if he was about to burst into tears.

"Correct, but I don't want to like you. I've been wanting to confess but I couldn't find the right time to do so. It's such a shame that I have to do it this way,"

"What are you saying?" she grinned, unable to understand his words.

"I need to erase my feelings from you. I need to move on, I'd like to be your best friend, still, but, we can't be friends if I have feelings for you,"