( as much as you glisten in the sun, i still fear that you may have just dipped yourself in gold / and maybe, you are just as dull as the rest of us underneath it )
YOONGI made friendly conversation with me on the drive back, but my mind was still in the cafe. i don't really know what i was expecting; i knew from the get-go that he wasn't gonna be some kind of prince charming. but i felt something when we were together, a connection, a click, and i'd be damned if he didn't feel it too.
or maybe he didn't feel it. maybe he didn't want to feel it. maybe he just didn't do dates or romance or relationships, or maybe he was in one right now. maybe he was just trying to get in my pants, or hell, maybe he wasn't even gay and this was just meant to be two bros hanging out.
it didn't feel like it, though.
"yoongi- " my lips stayed parted for a second, words in my throat but reluctant to leave my mouth. "you- i mean, you're gay, right?"
he laughed, head tipping back slightly. "and i was thinking i'd done a pretty good job of making it clear i'm into guys," he said, and relief filled my stomach. "i'm bi, but yeah. i like guys."
"oh, okay, good," i replied, "i mean, you did make it pretty clear, i just wanted to make sure."
"fair enough."
there was an air of silence between us, not uncomfortable, but not quite comfortable either, the sound the car speeding along filling my head. I wanted to say more, wanted to ask why the next time we met wasn't a date, why he even flirted with me in the first place if he just wanted to be friends, why he didn't feel that damn something like I did.
I shouldn't have been as upset as I was. it was perfectly reasonable that he wanted to hang out as friends; more than reasonable, in fact, considering we barely even knew each other. but I couldn't deny the sinking feeling in my stomach, couldn't deny that, at least to me, it felt like we'd known each other for much longer than a few days.
yoongi seemed perfectly happy to sit in silence, both of us deep in our own thoughts; however, he was the one to break it. "where do you want me to drop you off?"
"just back at the record store is fine."
"still set on getting that stravinsky, then?" he joked, and i couldn't help but smile.
"nah, too much dissonance," i answered, mimicking his tone of distaste from earlier.
"so what're you gonna get, then? maybe some 16th century music?"
"oh yeah, i'll get some good old bach to listen to."
"bach was 18th century, not 16th. nice try, though," yoongi said, but before i could think of a good reply, the car came to a stop. "here you go, back at the record store. see you later,"
"seeya," i replied, getting out of the car, glancing back as he drove off. i suppose a small part of me still should've been upset, but from just a small conversation, that part of me had been completely forgotten about. as it turned out, saying mad at yoongi was harder than it seemed.
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hi sorry i've taken so long to update i've been so fuckin stressed lately,, i try to write a few chaps in advance before i publish anything but i have really bad writers block for the upcoming chapter so sorry !!! i'll try to update more frequently i still have over a week left of school though sigh
