BEYOND THE REALMS #wattys2018

Chapter 39

When she took the heavy stone in her hand, she still wasn't entirely happy to take a gift like that from him. Shamharouche was watching her very closely. He asked,

"Why did you take it now, Llisa?"

Alisa raised her eyes to him ; he could see her hesitance, and then she replied,

"I took it because I didn't want to hurt you. But Shah, I don't expect any gifts from you. You are my friend...I don't want you to give me material things like this." And then she lowered her eyes again.

Shamharouche smiled and said,

"It's alright Lisa. When someone gives you something because they want you to have it, you don't really have to go overboard to refuse that thing. Just like Zayn wants to give you something...You don't have to reject him out-rightly Lisa."

Alisa's eyes shot up at him. She was stupefied by the way he had managed to merge one thing with the other. She shook her head and said vehemently,

"No Shah,what you gave me, didn't cost you your life...or your happiness. What Zayn wants to give me will cost him the happiness of his lifetime. He does not deserve me. He deserves someone who is...normal...who is...special...who is not like me. I can't make him happy." Her voice trailed off in the end.

Shamharouche's gaze was fixated on her. He heard the slight tremble in her voice while pointing out her reasons. He shook his head resignedly and said,

"Lisa, I can only read your mind. I can't look into your heart. But I feel that you should look carefully inside it. I don't think letting go of Zayn is a good idea for him or for yourself."

Alisa was dumbfounded to hear him advocating all this to her. She burst out,

"I can't believe this! You, of all the people in the world, have looked into my mind. Didn't you see my husband Reza in my memories? Didn't you see how his death damaged me? Didn't you see how my parents also left me alone? Don't you know that I am contented to live with them, in my mind? Don't you know that I have kept them alive in my memories...and you want me to move on from them to a complete stranger...whom I just recently met?"

Shamharouche shook his head quietly and said,

"You are living with them in your memories, Lisa. Memories are to be cherished. They are not meant to become the reason of one's survival! You are living your life for those memories...but besides those memories, what do you have?" He raised his eyebrows as if he was challenging her to answer, and his face looked as if it was carved in stone.

Alisa was shocked at his questions. She had had constant psychiatric therapy for one whole year, and no one ever asked her these type of questions.She wasn't even forced to speak about her trauma in therapy. Instead, therapists used to tell her that her memories were a great asset. They had asked her to find activities that would help her to move on...she did listen to them.

She tried to tell Shamharouche that her memories were enough for her, but that's when Shamharouche raised his hand in front of her face, forbidding her to speak, and said in a chilling tone,

"Don't give me those reasons,Lisa. You and I both know that you are just clinging to those memories now. They don't give you happiness. They give you pain...immense pain. I have seen in your mind how you surround yourself with exactly those things that remind you of them. Think about that please."

Alisa felt as if he was piercing pins in her body...She could not say anything. Her tongue was tied...She could not hide anything from him.He was right. She had done exactly what the therapists had asked her to do. She did find activities for herself...but what she had done was actually more disastrous! She had deliberately misunderstood the meaning of her therapists.