I have always been a wimp when it comes to pain. You used to make fun of me for that, call me a baby as you held me. I never minded because I knew you were only teasing me and hell, I loved having your attention. You were the tough one- Kim Taehyung, the boy who never felt pain. You were unbreakable, in my eyes.
And then you started coming home with alcohol in your breath and so much sadness in your eyes. You would cry into your pillow and shout at me to leave if I ever made the effort to talk to you. You weren't happy, anyone could see that.
The day you let me hold you was the day I decided your pain was the worst thing I had ever experienced. Hearing your cries against my shoulder while you curled up in my lap, seeing your eyes fill with tears each time I asked what happened; it hurt me too. It broke my heart.
That was the first heartbreak of many that were caused by you.
I would wake up and you would be gone, or you would already be upset. Sometimes you would be angry and I would be in the wrong place and receive countless insults that stung like a bitch. You knew exactly how to hurt me and you used that, no matter if you were drunk or not.
Most of the time, I knew you didn't mean it. I knew you had so much pain built up inside of you that you didn't know how to deal with, and the substances you more often then not had ingested really didn't work in either of our favours.
I still feel it to this day. I remember and it hurts like the day you left. The memories of you hurt, not knowing anymore pains me. Loving you, every single part of you, no matter what, absolutely kills me.
It's like a burn. Like putting out a cigarette against myself every time I think of you. You broke me time after time and I don't know if I'm ever going to be the person I used to be again.
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Reason 2: it hurts
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