Broken

Doubt

Not edited.

Jungkook's POV

When he heard the news of Yoongi jumping off a bridge, his world slightly crashed around him. He wasn't alone. He wasn't the only one who felt like this. His hyung did too.

It's scary to know that he isn't the only one feeling like this but at the same time, he's relieved. He shouldn't be though, its just more pain in this world. And pain to someone who doesn't deserve it. Yoongi is a nice, caring person. Although he doesn't express it much, he loves them dearly and they love him too.

Jungkook doubts they love him. He gets all the spotlight which they deserve. And why? Cause he's deemed as "perfect" and "handsome". But in what way is perfect or handsome? All he does is lounge around and play games, which he doesn't know how to quit. Sure he's good at sports but it's not his fault? Yoongi hyung is better than him at basketball too, but why do they overlook him? In what way is Jungkook better than Yoongi. His hyung is better at composing, rapping and probably singing if he tried hard enough. Hell, he's even better than him at dancing. But why does pay attention to him? The others are more talented than him and have suffered harder than him to get too where they are. All he did was accidentally audition and got offered contracts. He just hopped on this train which his hyungs created for him. Yet why does everyone just notice him and ignore the other? They deserve the attention, not him.

He's just worthless.

Even his parents agree. Why else would they treat him like he's a piece of shit, kicking him everytime he messed up, which was often. People say parents have the best knowledge of you and their input counts the most so, therefore, his parents were correct, right?

He's not even good at anything so why does everyone keep saying he is? Why did he even make it into BTS?

He wants to scream, but the others would hear. He doesn't want them to worry, but would they actually? They probably don't care about him anyways, he only takes stuff from them but never gives.

The same question he asks himself 24/7 is always on the back of his mind.

What if he just left BTS?

But if he did, wouldn't a lot of the fans also leave? It sounds like he thinks highly of himself but he doesn't. He's been on social media accounts and looked through fan accounts and he has seen what goes on there. He knows how people hate on everyone but him.He has seen "Jungkook hate accounts" but not as many as the other members.

A tear rolled down his cheek and soon he was a sobbing mess. They were silent sobs, the kind people say are the worst. But how are they worst? They're silent because you don't want anyone to hear you. Maybe they are deemed the worst because of that. You want to keep your pain to yourself, not wanting to burden anyone with it.

He pulled his blanket on top of himself, not wanting to risk anyone seeing him. He stayed like this for a while, losing track of time. A while later a soft knock came from his door.

"Jungkook? Are you there?" Jimin asked.

At this point he had stopped crying and was just staring the roof. He wiped away his tears and pat his hair down to look presentable. He kicked off his blanket and walked towards the door, quickly glancing at his mirror on his way. His eyes looked a bit swollen but not too obvious. Praying Jimin wouldn't notice his eyes, he opened the door.

"Yes, hyung?" he said as he put a small smile on his face.

"We were going to watch a movie and wan- Jungkookie, are you okay?" Jimin's smile quickly turned into a worried expression.

"Yes, why?" Oh shit, Jimin noticed.

"Nothing. As I was saying, do you want to join us for a movie?"

He thought for a moment. A movie wouldn't hurt, right? It would be a good distraction too.

"Sure, ill be right down," he answered and closed the door when Jimin stepped away, heading back downstairs.

Jungkook walked into the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror.

Ugly

He shook his head to avoid the thoughts and turned the tap on, splashing some cold water on his face. He scrubbed away the dried tear stain. When he was finished he grabbed a towel and at down his face to dry it. He looked back at the mirror. He looked half presentable now, good.

He exits the bathroom and turns off the light, doing the same with the room. Soon, he's walking down the stairs, hoping Jimin didn't tell anyone or question him further. As he walks into the TV room, he sees everyone fighting about which movie to watch. Everyone except Yoongi, he's surprised the elder is even here. Jin probably forced him to come or threatened him, probably the latter.

Yoongi looked up from his phone to see the younger standing in the doorway. Jungkook froze as his eyes met Yoongi's. It seemed as though he could see right through Jungkook's happiness facade.

"Oh, Jungkook ah. Come in, what are you waiting there for," Hoseok says while gesturing him over to the empty spot between his and Yoongi. Just his luck. He sighs and walks over, plotting down onto the offered spot. He pulls out his phone and scrolls through Twitter, looking at all the memes and commenting from his fan account. This is one of the great things about being an idol. You could create a fan account and no one would suspect it's you unless of course you somehow blow your cover. After a while, the others stop bickering about which movie to watch. The movie they settled on "Train To Busan". Jungkook has heard a lot of good reviews of this so he is pretty excited to watch it. He turns off his phone and stuffs it back in his pocket, shifting to a comfortable position.

The movie soon started and everyone watched intensely as they ate popcorn. They cried and cried, the movie was just so fucking heartbreaking.

Jungkook noticed Jimin sending his odd looks throughout the movie. It seemed he still thought there was something wrong with him. Most likely because he never cries in front of his hyungs nor does he usually let the notice his sadness.

Jimin doesn't need to bother with him anyway, he's not worth the time or effort.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bighit released a statement as to what happened with Yoongi two days after the incident. ARMY's were heartbroken but they wished Yoongi a quick recovering and promised to help him through the difficult process. Well, most of them anyways.

There was still the haters, but when will there ever not be?