Glass Hearts { Lashton }

This is everything I didn't say

This is everything I didn't say

Luke

Ash wasn't the same since he had this nightmare of me dying after we had a fight a few days ago. He prevented every fight we could possibly have since then so we wouldn't fight before I die. Everytime we argued about something he suddenly hugged me and apologized. It was weird. But also cute. But I felt also guilty because he was feeling so bad because of me and I couldn't do anything because I would die soon. I mean I didn't even have one month left. It was just so unfair. Some people have still some years left. But I only had 3 months.

Or I just shouldn't have fallen in love with Ashton. I wouldn't feel so guilty and he wouldn't get heartbroken. Ugh, this just sucks. I still had hope that we would get a call from the hospital and they would tell us that they found a heart for me. But I guess that was just a dream. They won't call and I won't get a heart. I will die and Ashton will be heartbroken.

I looked down at him because he was sleeping on my chest. It was 4am and I was awake because I just couldn't sleep with all these thoughts in my head. I didn't want to tell him about all the things I was always thinking about because I didn't want him to feel worse than he already did.

He suddenly moved a bit and I stopped stroking his hair so he wouldn't notice that I was awake and wouldn't worry. But he still noticed it and looked up at me. "Why are you awake?" He yawned. "Uh because... I need to pee." I answered even though it was a lie. He sighed and rolled of off me so I could go. I slowly stood up and left the room to go to the bathroom which was on the opposite of my room.

Since I actually didn't have to go to the toilet I just stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself. Nobody was ever as important to me as Ashton. I never ever thought I would like a boy in that way once but he was special. It kind of hurt more to leave him than my family.

I mean my family had each other. The only person Ashton had except me was Calum. And they didn't do that much together anymore since I was with Ashton and Calum had Joyce. Maybe it was my fault. Calum was weird since we talked in the hospital that one day. He didn't talk to me much anymore. I should talk to him and ask what his problem was. No, actually I knew what his problem was. But I should still talk to him.

I sighed and washed my face with cold water before I went back to my room and lay down next to Ashton who obviously fell asleep again. I wrapped my arm around his waist and tried to sleep a bit more since it was only 4:30 now.

When I woke up in the morning Ashton was gone. I looked at my phone. It was already 11am. Maybe he was downstairs or maybe he just went home.

I slowly stood up and stumbled downstairs. When I arrived at the end of the stairs I heard laughter from the kitchen. "Good morning." My dad suddenly said who crossed my way. "Morning." I murmured confused. "When you are here who's in the kitchen?" I asked him. "Ashton helps your mother to make breakfast." He said and went upstairs. I walked in the kitchen where I found Ashton and my mum making pancakes.

"Good morning, Lukey." Ash said happily and came to me to kiss me. "What's wrong?" he asked when I didn't answer. "Uh, I'm just... confused. What are you doing?" "Making breakfast for you and your father. Wanna help?" Mum grinned at me. I slowly shook my head. "No I'll just watch you two." I answered and sat down at the table. "Lazy shit." Ashton grumbled and mum agreed. "Hey!" They both laughed and continued making the pancakes.

After the breakfast Ashton drove home and I decided to go visit Calum. Ashton didn't know about it and he shouldn't know it. That's why I didn't ask him to bring me to him. My problem now was that I didn't know where Calum lived. But at least I had his number so I called him when I left the house.

"Luke?" He answered the phone confused. "Hey." I said. "Why do you call me? You never call me." "I know. I want to talk to you. Meet me somewhere?" He didn't answer immediately. He hesitated because he probably didn't want to meet me but he sighed and agreed. "Ok. Let's meet at Starbucks in ten minutes." "Alright I'll be there. But Calum!" "Yeah?" "Don't tell Ashton." "Fine. See you soon."

When I arrived at Starbucks Calum wasn't there yet so I sat down at a table to wait for him. It didn't take long until he arrived and sat down in front of me. "So, why do you want to talk to me?" he asked confused. "Look I know you don't like me-" "What makes you think that?" he interrupted me. I rolled my eyes.

"You're weird since we talked in the hospital." "But that doesn't mean that I don't like you." I looked at him. "I don't believe you." "Listen to me, Luke. I know I said some things to you. But I know that Ashton is happy since you guys are together. He hasn't been that happy in a long time. I was just mad at that moment."

"But you were right. I will leave him soon. I could die every day. You saw how sad he was when he had this dream. He's not leaving my side anymore! Not that I complain I like it but he will need you when I'm gone but you aren't talking much anymore." "He wants to spend as much time with you as he can. And when he needs me I'll be there. He knows that."

I sighed. I didn't want to break their friendship. I just wanted Ash to be happy. "Luke. Ashton and I will always be best friends. No matter if he has a boyfriend who dies or I have a girlfriend with who I spend a lot of time. You don't have to worry. When you're gone he still has me. We couldn't even live without each other anymore. What are you so afraid of?"

I looked down at my hands. "I thought my biggest fear would be that my mum wouldn't get over my death. But the thing is I know she will because she has my dad and my brothers and also a lot more people. Ashton doesn't." Calum looked incredibly sad now. "What?" I asked.

"You're right. It will be hard for Ashton. But thanks to you he also has Michael and Sophia who will be there for him. You helped him. But Luke, what do you think will happen to Michael? He's your best friend. I mean you obviously always think about Ashton and your family but not about Michael. Or me."

Him? I thought he hated me why should I think about him? "You?" He didn't look me in the eyes. He just looked down at his phone which he had in his hands. "I don't want to lose you either." he mumbled quietly. "Calum I-" I didn't know what to say. I hurt everyone. I hurt my family. I hurt Ashton. I hurt Michael. And obviously I even hurt Calum. I was a bad person. I should have stayed away from Ashton when I still had the chance to do that. But it was too late now.

"Luke?" I winced and looked at Calum who looked at worried. "Hm?" "You just stared at me. It was weird." "I'm sorry that I put all of you through this. I should have stayed away from you." I jumped up and ignored his shouts. I just needed to be alone.

No, I needed Ashton.

_______________

Hiii.
This took a long time I know I'm really sorry guys :(
But I had some problems last week.
My twitter account got hacked and that person just blocked luke, 5sos, beau brooks and Ariana grande :( she also deleted my tweet that luke faved and beau dmed me but she deleted that too.
Whatever luke refollowed me yesterday evening that little angel ❤️

Well this is already chapter 31 which means there will be 3 more chapters and one epilogue :(

God I'm so sad that this story will be over soon! but it has to be.

Well like I said I will start my other Lashton fanfic when the prologue has 25-30 votes but I didn't finish the chapter yet so keep voting guys :)

OH and I finally have my new phone! that means I can write more now lol.
Idk if the next chapter comes on tuesday. if it doesn't it will take some more time again BECAUSE MY FUCKING WWA CONCERT IS ON WEDNESDAY WAKSJJAK

AND QUICK QUESTION:
DID YOU HEAR THE 5SOS ALBUM?!?!T!? I FUCKING FREAKED OUT IT IS SO DAMN PERFECT AKEEKKLSJS

ok enough. good bye ☺️