She's Stronger Than You Think

Talking About It

I stayed silent as Nate drove home. I would have driven, but I was too shaken and upset with him. I fought with myself. Matt wouldn't have pulled a gun out; he would have jumped in there and pulled me away from the woman. Scratch that. He never would have let me go there in the first place.

But Matt's my cousin, and he raised me. Nate didn't. I needed to stop comparing the two of them. Nate really cared about me, and he was willing to let me get out there. This was the only way that I would be able to find out what I was capable of. But I didn't want to be in situations like this forever...

"Are you okay?" Nate's voice broke into my thoughts.

I struggled for the words, until they all flooded out, "No, I'm not okay! I--you can't pull a gun on everyone who challenges me."

Nate shrugged as he pulled into the driveway. "That's what I do."

"What?" I looked at him for the first time. "Every time someone makes you mad you threaten to shoot them?"

"Well, not every time," Nate admitted. "And sometimes it's not just a threat."

"Oh my--" I stopped myself mid-sentence and got out of the car.

"(Y/n)!" Nate called. He followed me up the driveway to the house. "Look, it's not that big of a deal--"

"Not that big of a deal?" I stopped and looked at him, wide-eyed. "Nate! Someone could have died tonignt! Because of you."

"Okay, but answer me this," Nate said. "We've already talked about how you would have been leading the gang if anything happened to Matt. But how were you going to do that, without using any sort of violence?"

"Look, Nate, this isn't about me, right now," I insisted. "Okay? Besides, it's not like it matters anymore because I am not running that gang anymore. You know that!"

"And if you did? How would you have done it?"

"I don't know, but what I do know, is this," I held up a finger. "You don't think about what you're doing. How many lives have you destroyed because of how you do things? How many people is it going to take before you realize the extent of your decisions?"

"I'm sorry, but that's how things work in my world!" He exclaimed.

"Well, maybe I don't want to be in that world!"

Nate stopped and looked at me. He was surprised that I had said that. I was surprised that I had said it. He crossed his arms and looked at me as if he wanted me to take it back. But I didn't.

Instead, I said, "I'm going to bed."

I turned and entered the house. Nate was right at my heels.

"What are you saying?" He called.

"I'm saying that I'm going to bed. I need to think!" I said, running up the stairs.

Nate stopped me. "I meant about being in my world." He hesitated, before continuing, "Are we breaking up?"

I studied him for a second, then said, "It's really hard to break up with someone you barely know."

I went upstairs to my own room. This time, he didn't follow me.

 

By the time I got downstairs the next morning, Nate wasn't there. To be fair, I stayed in my room for a while after I had gotten up, which was something I never did. I looked around a bit, and, after calling for Nate, I concluded that he must have left.

I wandered into the front sitting room and discovered a piano. As much as I was sure I wasn't supposed to touch it, it seemed to call me. I approached it and lightly tapped a few keys. Giving into its call, I sat down at the bench, and began to play.

After a few minutes, I began to play to the best of my ability. I hadn't played in a while, but I don't really think my "performance" was either good or bad. Within maybe ten minutes, I decided to stop. There wasn't a lot more for me to do, and, even though it made me feel better, I probably had something more productive to do.

"You play?"

Recognizing the voice, and cringing a little, I turned. Nate stood, leaning on the doorframe with his arms crossed. Normally, I could read his face, or his eyes. But right now, I had no idea what he was thinking. After a minute of silence, he slowly walked over to where I was sitting, and perched on the seat nearest to me.

I was a little worried that he would be mad, so I staarted talking quickly, "I just thought I'd--"

Nate held up a finger, like I had the night before. He was clearly signaling for me to stop talking. I pressed my lips together and watched him carerfully.

"Just--answer the question," he said.

I stared, before answering, "What you heard, was about the extent of what I know."

Nate wouldn't look me in the eye. "I play a bit of piano myself. If you want, maybe we could play together some time."

I nodded, kind of absent-mindedly. Nate noticed this.

"Are you still mad at me?" He asked.

"I-I don't know," I answered. I took a breath and continued, "If a relationship is going to work, both people need to make sacrifices."

Nate nodded this time. "I can be less violent. But that means you would also have to make some sacrifices."

I watched him, then added, "I've made almost every sacrifice I can think of. The only otheer thing I can do, is give up my say in the gang."

"I know the guys would like that," Nate said after another quiet minute. "But I don't want that."

He went back to whatever it was he had been working on before that. I stayed upstairs and did my own thing. But it wasn't as tense as I had thought it would be.