Album of Memories||TMNT Oneshots||

Hotheaded and Hostile

                   See end for Author's Notes
Quote: "Anger is nothing more than an outward expression of hurt, fear and frustration."
Requested by @creepystrawberry13! Here you go, boo! Raphael angst, and a lot of it! Plus, a special guest, Donatello.
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He had screwed up. Again. The fifteenth time this week, and he had no doubt that it wouldn't be the last. Except, this time, it had been even worse than the others. He still couldn't believe what he had done, although his mind still told him that he wanted to do it, and that this was normal for him to do.

It didn't mean he wanted to do it.

Raphael supposed that no one wanted to hit their little brother. It wasn't supposed to hurt; just a smack up side the head to make him shut up. Of course, this wasn't the first time this had happened- hurting one his brothers. And he felt awful about it. The guilt of it all ate his insides, made his head ache and gave him an odd nagging in his gut. In all honestly, he was pretty sure it was just sadness. Then again, what did he know about feelings? All Raph knew was that he was angry, the majority of the time, for no reason. Master Splinter said it was just his personality and that it was okay, it would get better in time and that he loved the teen no matter what. Leonardo said it was hormones, and he needed to cool his jets and think about the situation before acting. Michelangelo called him a jerk (Raph agreed with that). And Donnie never said anything, mostly because he was never the problem, and Raph really had nothing to be angry at him for.

Tonight was an exception. It was, in fact, Donnie who had angered the hothead tonight, and Raph made sure he regretted it. Only, he was pretty sure he regretted getting angry more than Don regretted angering him.

This was stupid.

He was stupid. A real meathead, as Mikey would put it. It was true. Hamato Raphael was stupid, too stupid to be of any use, really. All he did was go around getting angry at his family, who only wanted to help him. Some brother he was...

It would have been better if he wasn't around. He couldn't hurt anybody but himself if he was alone. He- he deserved it. Raph deserves to be alone, and deserved to be hurt and helpless, because he had the guts to punch his little brother, who was doing nothing but protecting his own claim. If Raph hadn't argued, if he had just shut his trap and let Donatello say his side of the story, they wouldn't be in this mess!

Raph wouldn't want to die, and Donnie wouldn't be afraid of his big brother. It just goes to prove his point; he'd be better off alone, where he can't hurt anybody and he could be useful for once in his pathetic life.

Said hothead gazed off the side of a cookie-cutter apartment building- the same as all the rest, and clamped his hands tight around each other in his lap. His shoulders hunched over in an uncomfortable position had made him feel vulnerable. Maybe, he deserved to feel so helpless and uncomfortable. Seeing as though he had basically scarred his little brother, he figured the only solution was to punish himself. It made the most sense in the end. With his eyes glazed over, filled with a mixture of sadness, fear and anger, Raph snapped his mouth shut to avoid a whimper from coming out.

Turtle up, Raph! This ins't the time to act like a pansy, he scolded himself inwardly. It was true, now was not the time to cry like a baby, he had to be strong (for no one in particular- he just felt the need). Mostly, because Raphael was never weak. He couldn't ever be weak or vulnerable. Not when he had brothers to look out for.