Benedict Cumberbatch and the Nerd [Benedict Cumberbatch one shot]

Day 2

Day 2

So, the next morning I look at the clothes I brought with me. Jeans and T-Shirts, there is not a romantic fluffy blouse among them. I panic what I am going to do? I call downstairs and get directions to a dress shop nearby. I bought a pink dress that looks as if Doris Day should be wearing it, except the dress is pretty short. Oh well, I bought a pair of tights, so the dress won’t look too micro mini. Combine that with the union jack underwear and the platform heels and I was ready for my non-date. I bet as you’re reading this you’re thinking, short dress, high heels, and a ride on a motorcycle, hmm, how is that going to work? Well, you are smarter than I am. I wish I had my reader’s insight, so that I could have saved myself some embarrassment, however, the day did start out okay. I met Benedict out back to avoid the paparazzi. He met me at the door and walked me to his motorcycle. He told me I looked nice and we slowly walked towards our destination. I am not used to high heels, so it seemed like ages before we reached the motorcycle. Well nothing had gone wrong, so I thought I was in the clear. As, I looked at the motorcycle seat, I thought. “How in the hell am I going to straddle that seat without my dress going up to my waist. Benedict looked away as I struggled to fit on the seat behind him. By this time I am feeling positively giddy. Nothing has gone wrong. “You know” I say to Benedict, “We call the seat behind the motorcycle driver a bitch seat. I guess this seat is called a Cumberbitch seat over here?” I laugh and snort. Trust me don’t laugh at your own jokes. Benedict smiled thinly and then we were off.

I can’t really describe how great it is to ride on a motorcycle in London, every turn and acceleration movement is so full of freedom that one cannot help but feel the rush. I am an adrenaline junkie from way back, so needless to say I was in heaven. The Auto-Icon is where the body of Jeremy Bentham resides in University College London, his body was mummified in the 1800’s and willed to the college around 1850. He is most known for his contribution to economics with his theory Utilitarianism. Okay, okay enough of the history lesson. Jeremy Bentham willed his huge sums of money to the college, the only catch being that the college have his body stuffed and drag it out to preside over meetings. Gross, well it gets worse. Jeremy Bentham was stuffed and now resides in a wooden structure that resembles an old phone booth. On the ground beside him is a wax copy of his head. The real head was supposed to be in the Auto-Icon, however, someone messed up the mummification process and his head was too grotesque to display.  Gross, Gross, Gross, well I am sure by now you think I am pretty sick; however, don’t miss it if you go to London. Ok, so back to Benedict we looked at the stuffed mummy, walked around the campus, then decided to go on our other adventure-the English Countryside. Well, before we left I had to go pee, and that is where the unknown disaster struck me. Ok, so if you don’t wear dresses and tights very often, the bathroom is an experience in semi acrobatics. Just as I got the tights pulled up, my underwear was a wrinkled uncomfortable wad. The last thing I wanted to do was to have to pull my underwear out of my crack, so I started over. I finally got everything straightened out and happily ran down the stairs to where Benedict was waiting. I hoped on back of the bike and whoosh we were off. Now dear reader what happened next was well epic. As we made our way through the city, I thought it strange that so many people were catcalling, things like, “Way to go Love. Hey fancy a pint? Come ride with me and I’ll fly your flag up the pole.” I was pretty embarrassed. I thought the British were supposed to be civilized and polite. Once we left the city the ride became even more enjoyable. I can only say save your money and visit the countryside. The air smelled of freshly turned earth, and there was just enough moisture in the air to ruin my hair, however, there was not enough  to make a person feel sticky and uncomfortable. My eyes couldn’t take in enough of the scenery, the ducks, the green grass, the flowers, the thatched cottages,  the brilliant blue sky, my God the English Countryside rocks. We finally arrived at our destination, Hampstead Heath.