Just Say I Love You (Izzal)

Chapter 2

Axl didn't move an inch. His smooth strawberry blond hair was spread across the pillow shining like silk. His blush faded, emphasizing the red of his lips. The contrast of red lips to white skin was perfect. Izzy stared at him. Something he hadn't done for a long time, not even when he had been in the band. He loved Axl and his Axl loved girls, what could he do?

'His' Axl.

The strawberry blond was always 'My Axl' in his mind. It would be 'my redhead' or sometimes it was 'my Bill'. He's loved him, pretending it was only as a best friend, since they started hanging out.

"You can see I'm almost asleep. Why the hell are you standing there like an idiot? Fuck off and never come back." Axl said clearly from where he lay. Axl hadn't fallen asleep, he didn't even sound tired at all.

"I said I'm worried about you."

"I don't see your point but, fine. Forget any thoughts about me that come to your fucking head. That's none of your business."

Axl responded to every single remark Izzy made. It was surprising. Izzy thought Axl would totally ignore him and had actually prepared for it. Once his redhead made up his mind to have nothing to do with someone he was done with them. Things are black and white in his mind. Never gray. Izzy had prepared to be coldly ignored but it seemed he made a wrong judgment.

"Hey, we are friends, man." He said to Axl whose eyes were still closed.

"We WERE good friends. So fucking what? You were the one who broke our friendship. Shut your fucking mouth and just let me sleep. Get out."

"I never broke our friendship."

Izzy knew Axl believed he caused their fractured friendship, but he'd never broke it. He kept telling Axl that he intended to help GN'R. He was always ready for it, in fact. Writing songs or playing guitar as a guest player or whatever. Axl pretended not to listen to him at that time but Izzy knew he did. How could Izzy abandon his bandmate, best friend and his sweetheart? Never. Though he left GN'R, it didn't mean he walked out on both Axl and the band.

"You did!" Axl opened his eyes as he sat up in his bed. "Remember? I pleaded with you to stay behind again and again, and you were too cold to stay with us!" His voice became higher and higher until it was almost like a scream.

Izzy expected more yelling. Yelling at him, blaming him, and even punching him. Again, he made a wrong judgment.

Axl bit his lower lip. His eyes flooded with tears without a word. His silky hair fell along with his jawline and the end of his bangs stroked his delicate collarbone exposed by the deep neckline of his Marlboro T-shirt. Now he snuffled with a shiver. Izzy reached to for him, hoping that touching him could give relief to him somehow.

"Don't touch me." Izzy was met with a strong refusal before his hand reached Axl's shoulder. Axl looked at him and said with a sob in his voice, "Why did you come here?"

Izzy repeated again, "I'm worried about you."

"Why are you worried? We haven't talked in so long."

"I heard about your break-up."

"Fuck you!" Axl cried out and threw pillows at Izzy one after another until Izzy said stop.

It was obvious that his answer made Axl lose his temper. His face flushed again. "A happily married man trying to comfort a wretched single. It's fucking hilarious, isn't it? And I bet all of your efforts are gonna be in vain."

"Hey! I am not making fun of you. You are my best friend."

"Not my friend anymore."

"OK then, I WAS your friend. Axl, listen, you should know you're not alone."

"What? Why do you think I believe that? Of course I'm not alone!"

"No, you're not. But you do think it!"

"Are you a fucking therapist or something?"

They stood face to face, both with shoulders raised in agitation and glared each other.

Izzy looked down at the wooden floor to avoid his gaze and mumbled. "Sorry, I shouldn't yell at you."

Axl sat on the bed covering his face with his hands, sobbing again. "You drive me nuts."

Izzy paced back and forth in the room. The only sound his footsteps and sobbing. Neither of them could say a word for a while. Izzy kept pacing, Axl kept sobbing.

"Tell me the truth, Izzy." Axl said in a hoarse voice, finally breaking the silence.

"The truth?" Izzy stopped, his gaze went to the top of the redhead. He didn't move, not seeming to mind his stare.

"You said I'm not alone. Well, this is damn stupid 'cause I know I'm not, but you're the one who ran away from me. So you should tell me why."

"I've told you the reasons again and again."

"You couldn't convince yourself to stay due to the circumstances of the band, you hated being controlled by me, blah blah blah. Did you think I believed them? Did you really think you could hide the truth from me? If you claim you are my best friend I can say I've been your best friend for more than fucking fifteen years. So I know you very well. Why is it always so hard to talk to you? You didn't speak your mind to me at all."

That was true. Izzy was tired being controlled by Axl even though he loved him. He hated the R&R business that he had to be involved with. However, these were not the exact reason as Axl pointed out. He could no longer stand that his redhead was affectionate with someone else. This reality hurt over and over as if somebody cut out his heart every single day. His redhead sang love songs emotionally, bringing the specific girl to his mind. It nearly made his ears bleed. Of course he didn't reveal his real intentions, in fact, he couldn't, and he never would. He chose separation rather than confessing his longtime love.

"I didn't hide anything."

"Don't bullshit me."

"Oh, Axl..." Izzy whispered.

His Axl lifted his head and was determined to glare at him, tears still flowed without a pause. It seemed that he would force Izzy to tell the truth. Izzy paced back and forth again, this time he moved his legs restlessly and didn't notice it showed how thrown off balance he was.

"See? You ain't a good liar."

Axl stood and grabbed his shoulder. Izzy shrugged him off.

When he left his house, Izzy never intended to tell him everything or to lead him into a new relationship. Was it such a wrong thing to want to comfort your old friend who obviously felt down? Izzy was ready to see the vocalist. He had overcome his terrible heartbreak so he would be all right to show his caring friendship. He was certain he wouldn't pour out his true feelings to his redhead.

"There was nothing."

"All right then, goodbye Izzy. I don't need a lie."

Axl wiped the tears off his cheeks, walked to the door and opened it giving Izzy a cynical smile. He meant goodbye for good. Izzy walked to the windows which were opposite from the door. The skies were aglow with the setting sun. The sun had been shining brightly down on this huge mansion when he rang the doorbell. Had he really been here that long? He gave out the sigh. Would it be better to make a declaration of love? Did it soothe him? This moment could be the very end of everything. But Axl made his mind up anyway, whether he told him the truth or not it could end up the same. Izzy wanted to avoid hurting himself, but come to think of it, he lost his love when they were Bill and Jeff.

Izzy whispered.

"I love you."