Just Say I Love You (Izzal)

Chapter 3

"Yeah, I used to love you too. Why are you still talking about our past friendship? " Axl asked.

Izzy didn't turn around. He couldn't. He couldn't watch his feelings be refused.

"l...I love you. I've loved you since back in Indiana. I...you know...I... " He kept his gaze directed outside. The setting sun turned everything it touched a deep orange.

"You... love me?" Axl said very slowly, voice cracking. After a long silence he whispered, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"How could I? You hate faggots, you got married and then divorced, then found another-"

"'Cause you started to go out with girls first!"

"What?" Not only did Axl stop him mid-sentence when he was trying to explain himself, but that comment didn't make any sense. Confused, Izzy turned around to face the irritated man behind him. "I was explaining why I didn't tell you the truth."

The redhead slammed the door closed. "And I said why I got married."

"Wait, wait. Don't mix the things here. I went out with girls, yep, I even slept with girls when you were still virgin. I loved you but I couldn't treat you like them. When our goddamn classmates yelled at you, 'Hey you. Faggot! You'd better get dressed as a woman,' you hit every single one of them until they shed blood."

Fourteen-year-old Bill was a beautiful boy with his long silky hair. He was a bit shorter than others. Basically he was quiet and very shy with everybody so he usually followed after Jeff. Their classmates gossiped "Bill this. Bill that" in a mocking way.

The two boys didn't bring it up in their conversation. Jeff was already feeling more than friendship for Bill. He knew he ought to deny the rumor for Bill's honor as his best friend, but he ignored what he had to do. He put his hope in it instead. There could be a chance that Bill might have the same feelings for Jeff.

"Do you want a girlfriend?" Jeff asked him once, indirectly, in place of "Do you like me?" It was a bit of a gamble. If Bill said no, he still had a chance.

"Maybe." Bill mumbled and pursed his lips into a frown.

Jeff wanted a straight answer. He smiled, "C'mon, you wanna kiss a girl, huh?"

Bill gazed at him. Then he looked down at his hands. He again looked up at Jeff and down at his hands. He repeated the motion several times and finally he opened his mouth to whisper "Yes" with tears in his eyes. "You're not gay. Me neither."

That was it. Bill didn't like him the same. For good or for bad, innocent Bill still followed after Jeff after this conversation. He still sat next to Jeff, giving him a sweet smile as always. When his orange hair fluttered in the wind the delicate scent bloomed in the air. Jeff felt butterflies in his stomach, even he was getting a little hard himself. Now it was time for seeing somebody else otherwise he was quite capable of robbing Bill of his virginity.

It was not hard for Jeff to find a girl. He knew his charm attracted some girls and all he had to do was picked one of them. Bill found out about his new girlfriend very quickly. "Congratulations." Bill had said surlily and stomped out of the classroom.

Axl sneered at Izzy with such a scorn. "Is this true? You seemed to really enjoy your new life in L.A. without me. You were the one who left me in Lafayette. You always decided how to live as if I didn't exist."

Eventually Izzy left Axl twice and he knew Axl was never gonna forgive him for that, but what could he do instead? Everything he wanted was always right there where could he easily touch it but couldn't have it.