Harry Potter and Camp Chippewa

Chapter 4:

Harry was glad to meet the Addams family, who seemed just as dysfunctional as he was. Wednesday and Pugsley introduced him to their family members. Cousin It, his wife Margaret and their baby, Wednesday's Cousin What. Her Grandmama Frump, the living hand Thing, the groom Uncle Fester himself, and his bride-to-be Debbie Jelinsky.

Harry narrowed her eyes at the woman. "You seem familiar," Harry mumbled. "Have we met before?"

"I don't think so," Debbie said with a sunny smile.

Harry scowled, Wednesday leading him away from the woman. "I swear I've seen her somewhere before, but something's not quite right."

Wednesday's grip on his arm tightened. "Tell me when you remember then," she said in a sulking voice.

Harry gave her a questioning look, but noticed the angry glare in her eyes as she gave Debbie a sideways glance, and the way Wednesday's red painted fingernails dug into his forearm. He smirked. "Are you jealous? Of her?"

"No."

Harry chuckled and took her hand in his, kissing it. "There's no need for your jealousy. I prefer brunettes."

"Harry! My boy!" Harry and Wednesday looked up at Gomez and Morticia as they approached them. "Mr Addams. Mrs Addams." He shook Gomez's firm hand and kissed the back of Morticia's.

"I see you and Wednesday have grown quite close," Morticia said happily, eyeing their linked arms.

"Harry is my boyfriend now, mother," Wednesday said happily.

"Good lad!" Gomez laughed boisterously. "Today my brother marries! And perhaps someday, you will do the same with my daughter."

"I wonder," Harry smiled. "If Wednesday does not kill me before then, I might consider." Harry eyes the dagger pointed at the spot where his kidney should be.

"Harry proves to be a challenge to kill, so I don't see why there would be a problem with the prospect, father," Wednesday agreed, eyeing his wand pointed at her throat. "He's very talented at avoiding Death."

Gomez and Morticia clasped each other's hands tightly. "How wonderful, Gomez. Our little girl is in love. Mon petit chaton!"

"Tish! That's French!" Gomez exclaimed cheerfully.

Then Harry watched in surprise as the two began to snog in front of them. "Do they do this often?"

"Quite," Wednesday replied curtly. "Now, Harry, I have duties as the stone girl. If you would please escort me to Aunt Margaret. She's preparing Pugsley and I."

Harry smirked. "Of course, me amor."

"Latin?" Wednesday said in pleasant surprise.

"Scilicet."

The dark eyes girl sighed wistfully.

•••

The wedding was held in the Addams family graveyard. Rows and rows of guests all looking dreadfully dark and morbid. Harry watched as Wednesday walked down the aisle, tossing the small stones from her baskets onto the pathway, Pugsley holding the cushion with Thing resting upon it with the rings as Lurch played a beautifully depressing tune on the organ.

Once she reached the front, Harry offered her a small smile. His eyes turned to the entering bride, and Harry finally realised, with the veil over her face, where he had seen Debbie. Horrified, he looked to Uncle Fester, who had just declared his love for the woman in white.

Once they left, Harry grabbed Wednesday's forearm. "The Black Widow!"

Wednesday frowned. "What?"

"That's where I know Debbie from! I watched America's Most Disgusting Unsolved Crimes! Three murders of rich husbands! The Black Widow is known for marrying them, and killing them on their honeymoon night, taking their money with her and doing it all over again once her money runs out! Debbie is the Black Widow!"

Wednesday gasped in horror. Pugsley and Hermione all rounded on Harry. "I knew it!" Hermione said, trembling. "Oh, if only I recognised her without the veil! Wednesday, Pugsley! We have to stop the honeymoon!"

The four children all charged towards the front of the crowd aiming to catch the wedding bouquet. Before she could say anything, Wednesday's hands reached out to warn her Uncle, but instead the bouquet was caught in her hands.

Hermione momentarily forgot about their initial aim to warn Fester and stared at the bouquet. "Now you have to marry."

"It's not binding," Wednesday said in shock.

"Tramp." One of the Addams' aunts commented.

Harry smirked. "Does this mean I should prepare a ring then?"

Wednesday glared at him, as they returned to their senses and watched the coach drive away. "We're too late," Hermione breathed in terror.

"I hope he'll be alright," Pugsley muttered.

Harry squinted at the dead body trailing behind the car. "Where is their honeymoon taking place?"

"Hawaii," Morticia answered. "Is something the matter, dear?"

Just as Hermione was about to reply, Harry stopped her. The three saw Harry's sinister grin and realized that the Boy-Who-Lived had a plan. "Nothing at all, madame."

Wednesday dug her fingernails into his biceps. "What are you doing?"

Harry smirked. "I'm thinking...I should send Sirius and Remus a free trip to Hawaii...in the same hotel...on the full moon."

Wednesday's eyes widened, a breathy gasp escaping her lips, completely enamored with Harry's actions in her stead. "Mon cher!"

Harry grinned as he crashed his lips onto hers. "Ma cherie."

Just then, Gomez and Morticia, who had heard their conversation, questioned the identities of Sirius and Remus. "Sirius is my Mass Murderer Godfather, accused of thirteen Muggle deaths, one wizard, and an illegal animagus. He is the first man to ever escape Azkaban," Harry chuckled darkly. "And Remus, my honorary Uncle and a former Professor of mine. A turned werewolf at four years old who assisted my Godfather in his hiding from the Ministry."

Morticia looked at him dreamily. "Oh you have such a wonderful family, my dear. But why are you sending them to Hawaii to see Fester and Debbie?"

Wednesday and Hermione watched Harry, wondering how he would escape that. Unexpectedly, Harry smirked and kissed Wednesday's cheek. "Well if we would be in-laws in the future sometime, why not begin introductions now."

"Careful, Potter," Wednesday whispered, dagger at Harry's throat.

Harry chuckled, her forehead at wand-point. "Remus will love meeting your new Aunt. Lycanthropy can kill Muggles after all."

"Mon cher," Wednesday sighed wistfully.

Morticia and Gomez exchanged delighted looks. Oh, how wonderful it was that their daughter had found love.