fighting for love

cause i lost you...again..

6 months later.

{zak}

after Elly and kylie spent Christmas with me and my family we kinda got involved and well I screwed up and let her leave again.

there's something so special about both Elaine and her little girl, kylie.

the first time i saw her i thought i was looking Elaine as a black haired 2 and half year old. she looks just like her mom but the only thing she didn't get from her mom is her eyes, if i didn't know better myself i would have sworn her eyes were exactly like mine but knowing better, i knew she didn't get them from  me because theres no way i could be her dad.

there's just something so special about her, after spending just 3 days with her i loved her like i would love my own daughter if i ever had one.

i wish i hadn't lost her mom, kylie could have been my daughter and theres a slight chance Elaine could have been my wife....

{Elaine}

so over the last 6 months me and zak have been the best of friends but I can't help but think I wasn't anything more than a one night stand.

the day I left it felt like I left half my heart in vegas, i think kylie sensed that i was feeling sad because as we headed to the state line, tears had collected in my eyes and she had noticed, because she said

"mommy, are you otay?" she asked her in adorable little voice

"yea baby i'm okay" i tried to put on my best face and wiped at the tears that had fallen down my cheeks

"mommy, why you crying?" she asked looking at me in the rearview mirror

"its just eyeshadow baby" i tried to smile a bit brighter but failed

"mommy when are we gonna see zak again?" she asked

"i dont know baby, we might never see him again"

"i liked zaks house mommy, and i liked gracie" she pouted playing with her belt buckle

"i know baby" after that she didn't say much and drifted off to sleep just as i crossed the state line.

as she slept i drove with tears in my eyes. thinking how stupid i was for letting myself fall for someone like him and thinking it would matter but in the end zak would be none the wiser and as normal not feel the same towards me.

i never once while staying there planned to fall for him all over again till i kissed him again and for the first time in almost 4 years i let myself feel again and that alone scared me to death.

 he calls me almost every night and says goodnight to kylie then we talk about how bad our days have been and stories from our days, zak was finally my best friend again.

no one but aaron and bacon knew that I was in love with him again and honestly it was probably best that way because I know he wouldn't feel the same way and do the same thing as every guy in the past has done..........crush my heart into a million pieces just like the last time.

in order to do my job and take care of my little girl I need my heart in one piece and that's why I had decided I was never going to tell zak I had fallen in love with him after seeing him again and telling him he is kylie dad would just have to wait till a better time when i wasn't so in love.

I've done a good job at raising kylie and i'm okay with doing it alone just like i have been, i dont need him but........i want him..

seeing him interact with kylie and not knowing shes is little girl is both bitter sweet and heartwarming to know that he didn't feel that she had to be his to be so good with her.