𝙡𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩. 𝘫𝘢𝘦𝘯𝘰 [✅]

;t h i r t e e n;

a/n
I know y'all have been waiting for sum fluff, but yo girl is sad so sorry babes
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Jaemin didn't like the feeling settled in his chest as he watched Mark fool around with Donghyuck. The two of them were sticking bubble gums, already chewed might I add, in the girl's hair who were screaming. Jaemin wanted to rip his ears off at the sound, so different from the peaceful silence he had at the hospital for one long week.

While the food couldn't be called food there, the nurses and his doctor were really nice. Not once did he get judging glances because of what he did and one of the nurses - he liked her the most - even sat with him for hours to talk about nothing. It was weird and unusual for Jaemin to open up to her, since she wasn't the psychiatrist he had sessions with at the hospital, but he did it anyway. He needed to talk to someone about things and Miss Kim was more than willing to help. So, his stay at the building filled with doctors was pretty good aside of having to take pills and feeling rather empty. He thought it would be exciting to be at school again, given that this way he could be surrounded by his friends, but it wasn't. No, it was quite the opposite, he just wanted to go to school. Jaemin kind of started regretting that he didn't die last week, no matter how bad that sounded.

He also noticed how Jeno was staring at him for a long time, often. He bit his lower lip, trying really hard to not avert his gaze there because he was afraid that he'd snap. Honestly, he wasn't even stable mentally yet, why did he go to school?
He felt sick.

"Hey, man, you okay?" Mark flopped down next to him, finally getting tired of distressing all the females in their class.

"Yeah, of course" he smiled automatically at him, ignoring the pain in his chest.

"And now honestly please" Mark sighed tiredly."Honestly, Nana, you look like shit. Talk to me."

"I just..." Jaemin inhaled deeply. What did Miss Kim say when they parted ways? Oh, yes! "Get rid of the people who cause you pain, young man, but keep those close who want to help." It was time to take the woman's advice, wasn't it?"I'm not feeling that well, actually. I don't feel alright being here, but I know that I hate being alone more, so...It's confusing"he sighed deeply, taking his lower lip in between his teeth again. Stop freaking out.

"I think you could ask Mr.Jung to let you go down to the infirmary and bring someone with you? I'll gladly go, just saying" the canadian boy smiled in his direction.

"I don't think that's neccessary, I'll be okay eventually. I just need some time, that's all. But thank you Mark, it's very nice of you" he smiled softly at his friend.

He still wanted to be dead, though. Regretting it more that he didn't do it properly last week as the minutes passed by. His head started hurting from all the thoughts going through it, some of them being about how rude he seems right now. Or how he shouldn't have been born, or...How his mother shouldn't have found him in their bathroom, sitting with deep cuts on his left wrist. As he thought about the scars they started itching and he uncounsciously rubbed his left arm, leaving his right hand there, where the bandage was. It was hot out there but he hadn't taken off his jacket because of that. He didn't want his classmates know what he did, he felt ashamed.

He also felt bad because of ignoring Jeno, but then remembered his favorite nurse's words and then everything went back to normal a bit. His so called best friend was preoccupied with Renjun anyways, so it didn't really matter. Well, it kind of did, but Jaemin didn't want to think about that too.

"I think I need a painkiller" he mumbled rummaging through his backpack finally finding the little pills the doctor prescribed him, saying that he could take only one per day. He didn't remember taking another one so he thought it was okay as he swallowed the medicine with some water he brought from home.

"You alright, Nana?" Renjun walked over to them, smiling sweetly. Mark never wanted to punch someone this bad, ever in his life.

Fine and dandy, I just tried to kill myself last week, nothing big, he thought as he tried to return the smile the chinese boy gave him, failing misrably.

"I'm okay, thank you for asking, Renjun" he said through gritted teeth.

"Why are you being so nice to him, Jaems? Just kick him in the balls" Mark said rolling his eyes.

"Because I don't want him to end up like this just because of some mean words, Mark. I don't want to be rude" he answered, maybe a tad bit too honestly, immediately regretting his words when Renjun replied, knowing damn well what Jeno's boyfriend meant.

"I'm not you, Jaemin."