Helplessly Falling For You: Camren

Chapter 2

Lauren Jauregui’s POV

Thursday, April 5th, 2012

I woke up stranded in the middle of the street, curled up into a ball. The gleaming light of a tall street lamp flickered like a flashlight running out of battery. I looked around me but there was nothing but a heavy wooden door up ahead of the road. The door slowly creaked open and I saw ceaseless darkness. I stood up and walked closer to the door until I saw the outline of a woman. I started to run the opposite direction. I was running so fast that everything around me was a blur. Frankly, I did not know what I was running from. Was I running away from my inner demons?

 When I looked back, I realized there was nothing there- nothing to fear, nothing to be afraid of. It was just my mind telling me to run because I did not know who was in the darkness. I did not want to face what might tear me down but I cannot run away from something that frightens me. I need to confront whatever it is. I walked back slowly but hesitantly. The moment I stepped in, light radiated in the room from a small fireplace. Above the fireplace was a book shelf shaped as the U.S. I realized then that I was standing in my room. The woman stood in front of the fireplace and was speaking to someone.

“Mom?” I whispered uncertainly. She turned around and I was able to see who she was talking to. “Luis? What’s going on here?” I asked looking back and forth at both of them.

“Luis told me about your situation.”

“My situation?” I repeated curiously.

“He told me about the conversation you had under the weeping willow. The voices you hear.” I gestured for her to go on. She hesitated, “All these years, you always knew I retained something from you about this.” She shook her head, her eyes began to tear. Why is she crying?

“Well, did you?” The words fled effortlessly from my mouth and I regretted the moment they came out. I’m petrified of what she might say. What if it is not what I want to hear?

“Y-Yes… and I feel awfully terrible for lying, but it’s for your best interest.” I scoffed at her meaningless words. For my best interest? Please, my best interest is knowing what she is keeping from me. If people would just tell the truth, things would be less intricate.

“Tell me now.” My voice was fierce. She glanced at Luis but said nothing. I rummaged for insight behind the auburn pendants that lie beneath her lashes. There was a heavy metal door secured in thick metal chains with one immense lock keeping the secrets from slithering into my brain. “You’re my mother for god sakes! Why can I hear someone else’s voice in my head? It’s one simple question!” I threw my hands up in exasperation.

“But it’s not a simple answer. You don’t know what you’re asking. This is bigger than us; it’s bigger than all of us. I wish I can tell you but I can’t.” She started to cry into Luis’s chest. He looked at me coldly; he never looked at me like that.

 I tried to calm down.

 I approached her and gently touched her shoulder. She looked up at me, her cheeks burning red. 

“Your guilty heart is silent. Its rhythm is hushed by all the secrets you’re keeping from within… from me.” I remarked softly. She processed what I said and nodded her head. “So tell me. Confessions can release a dented soul, mami.”

“You must understand that whatever I say, however I feel about what I've kept inside, it’s irrelevant because they will be unforgiving.”