𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐞 (DKS, KJI)

1.5

before you proceed: if you haven't reread the previous chapter, PLEASE DO SO. thank you.

━━━━

may 28th 2017, 7:28 pm. seoul.

━━━━

  "ARE YOU VISITING him tomorrow?"

   jongin removes his arm over his eyes, turning over on his side. "i don't know."

   baekhyun sighs over the other line. "you haven't visited him even once, jongin. it's been three years."

   jongin remains silent.

   "look. i know it's been hard and you're still recovering. but maybe it'll help you a bit." baekhyun's voice is concerned. "i just... i want you to be okay. i want you to move forward, more so than you already have. the fact you can already be in a committed relationship with kyungsoo when you're still struggling with chanyeol is amazing in itself. you know?"

   "i guess..."

   baekhyun is right. jongin hasn't completely moved forward since chanyeol's death. he could never bring himself to forget about anything — their times together, his big, dorky, charming grin, the way he liked when chanyeol held his hand warmly. it was the very smallest things jongin remembered and ached from. the shield he made is still thick and over him as he speaks. it still hurts so much to talk about him, so much to say he hated chanyeol to others. but as he talks with baekhyun like this, he can feel the shield cracking and panging.

   "will you ever tell kyungsoo, then?"

   his chest clenches and a lump rises in jongin's throat. "i don't know. it's kind of hard to just... tell him suddenly."

   jongin heard some movement on the other side. "you realize that the longer you keep it, the more likely kyungsoo will take it badly, right? jongin, it isn't healthy for you both. you need to be honest with him about everything."

   "what if... what if i c-can't do it?" jongin cries.

   "you can. i know it. you're so strong, jongin, and kyungsoo loves you. he'll do his best to help you."

   he trembles, tucking his legs up to his chest. "how can you be so sure?"

   "it's my intuition. you know it's always right. trust me, okay? please. i know you can do it. and think about coming with me tomorrow. alright?"

   jongin doesn't say anything for a while. maybe... maybe he should. maybe it's best for him — to have closure, talk to chanyeol, tell kyungsoo, everything. he has pent all this pain up for so long, at this point he isn't sure if he can go on very much longer. it's so hard to keep hiding this, and at this point, he doesn't even know why he tries anymore. especially with kyungsoo. he has known kyungsoo for almost three years, how could he have kept the truth away from him for so long? jongin should tell him.