I'm So Vain

16

"So I've decided I'm gonna get some work done," I said casually as we walked out of Chanel. Cona glanced at me, her expression confused, and asked, "What do you mean? What kind of work?" Penny sipped her water and looked at me. "Um, a nose job." 

"What?" Cona stopped walking, and we turned to look at her. "You're not serious?" I shrugged, "Yea. I was just thinking..." I trailed off, not sure what else to say.

"I know the perfect person," Penny said with a sweet smile, "She's a miracle worker. My mom swears by her."

"Sounds great," I smiled back at her. "Vera," Cona said, shaking her head, "This is a joke. You can't do this."

"'Course she can," Penny said, turning back toward Cona, "Why shouldn't she?" Cona gave her a blank stare, and Penny turned to me again and said, "Oh, you'll look fantastic. Whose nose do you think you want to model yours off of?"

"I hadn't thought about it yet," I said, avoiding Cona's glare. "I know the perfect person for that, too," Penny said, hooking her arm through mine and swinging her Louis bag as we walked ahead of Cona. 

"You can't go through with this," Cona said as soon as Penny closed the passenger door behind her and began walking up her driveway. "Cona–"

"Honestly, Vera, I can't believe you'd even consider making such a huge decision based on one stupid little comment–"

"It's not because of–"

"–made by a drunk, self-absorbed slut who thinks the meaning of life can be found in Tiffany & Co." 

I stared at Cona, speechless, my eyes wide as Audrey's. "This is not a hair cut or dye, Vera. It's your nose. This is your face you're talking about." She was staring at me with angry eyes as she said, "It's not even a tattoo you'll regret in twenty years. It's your face." 

It took me a moment to be able to think coherently, but finally I said, "I know that, Cona." She stared at me a second longer and then started up the car. We drove to my house in silence, and she continued to stare straight ahead of her, not saying a word, when I got out of the car. As I stepped onto my driveway, she sped off like a NASCAR driver.