I'm So Vain

20

    20 Cona was giving me the silent treatment, but she was the only one. All of our friends– and some stragglers hoping to work their way into our group– asked me question after question about my upcoming surgery as if I was their celebrity guest and they were Chelsea Handler. "So while you're under the knife, are you going to get any other work done?" Amy Rosenthal, a desperate sophomore, asked with raised eyebrows, "'Cause my friend one time went to just get her ears worked on and she ended up having this whole operation that like completely changed her facial structure." I wrinkled my nose, "No, I'm just getting my nose done." 

"So you're using Keira's nose, right? As a model?" I nodded, "It was between her and Natalie Portman. But I went with Keira."

"She is so gorgeous," Emmaline sighed. "Well," Penny cut in, "Vera's going to be even more gorgeous than her, by the time they're done with her." I smiled at Penny, but something in my chest tightened. I generally loved all the attention I was getting, except at moments when I remembered that more eyes on me meant less eyes on Penny. This was already a bit of a recipe for disaster, and the fact that she, when she did speak, showered me with compliments, led me to believe that she was forming a plan to put herself on top again. This could be harmless to me: all it would do is put the attention back on herself, and let me fade quietly into her shadow again. Or it could be extremely harmful; knocking me off of my pedestal instead of knudging me, pushing me violently down into a pit of lava. 

I turned to Penny now and said, "You look so hot today. What'd you do with your hair?" She narrowed her eyes at me, "Nothing." I crinkled my eyebrows, "Nuh uh. There's definitely something different." 

"She's using a different shampoo," Jillian pitched in, grasping a lock of Penny's hair. "Oh, right," I said, nodding. "Definitely keep using it," I said, "Your hair looks so soft." 

"Lemme feel," Dustin said, standing up and walking over to her from where he had been sitting by my feet. He brushed his hand through her hair and smiled at her and she grinned at him and then cast a glance towards me, at once appreciative and suspicious. I smiled as genuinely as I could at her and then glanced at the people surrounding us. My eyes fell on Cona, who sat texting furiously. She looked up at me and the moment our eyes met, she stood, taking her tray with her, and walked off towards the cafeteria doors. Evan jumped up and followed her. I looked back at Penny, she was turned to Dustin, giggling and running one of her hands through his hair. I rested my head on Caleb's shoulder as he continued to talk to Matthew, and I wondered how I'd look in a hospital gown.