I'm So Vain

27

After school, I opened my phone to see that Nicole had texted me, 

r u coming to practice today?

I was surprised by the message, and as I waited on the curb for my mom to pick me up, I typed back,

i thot dibden wouldnt let me bak in?

Nicole replied momentarily,

dibdens cool. im sure if u tell her u were in an accdnt ull b let bak in. after all, not tht mny lines for chorus membrs :)

Before thinking about it, I texted back,

believe me, she wont need me to tell her

Nicole took longer to respond this time, like she had when I'd told her I wasn't Ok. 

that bad? 

she asked. As I climbed into my mom's car I replied,

worse

and then I asked my mom to drive me to the community theater. 

I stood outside of the doors, just staring at them, for I don't know how long. I debated turning around, calling my mom and asking her to come back for me. Nicole, everybody else in the play, I didn't run into these people often outside of practices. They didn't have to know this had happened to me. They could just keep on thinking I was beautiful forever. Then I bit down on my lip for the thousandth time and pushed open the theater doors. Most of the cast was already on the stage, and I kept my face down as I walked down one of the long aisles between the seats. I started sweating as I made my way up the stage steps– no one had seen me yet. But they were about to. Then I looked up, found Nicole, and walked towards her. A few pairs of eyes fell on me and then widened as I made my way to her, but Nicole didn't notice me until I was almost upon her. Then I sat down next to her and she looked at me. "Oh, Vera–" she started, and then dropped off and stared at me, her expression blank; caught off guard. "Oh," she said again, finally. "Yeah," I said, avoiding the gazes of my castmates as I  turned off my phone and watched it turn black, "oh."

Mrs. Dibden let me stay, just as Nicole had said she would. The people at practice did a better job at not staring than my classmates, but I still felt at least three pairs of eyes on me the whole time. Nicole, however; after that first look of surprise, managed to make every glance my way as casual as her glances had ever been. I had physical therapy after practice that day, but the next day was Thursday, and Nicole insisted I make myself free so she could take me to this place her and her friend loved. It wasn't as if Nicole's kindness made me feel like everything was better, everything was going to be fine. But...it was nice.