anacampserote » m.c au

seven

michael’s pov

My first thoughts upon sitting down across Kalina were: I shouldn’t have come. I shouldn’t have very willingly voiced out a ‘yes’ when she invited me along to a catch-up dinner (her words, not mine). I shouldn’t have brought Betsy along. I should also have known that Kalina’s impeccably fucked up boyfriend would turn up. I mean, what kind of boyfriend would allow his girlfriend to have casual dinner with her ex, right?

But that was a complete lie. My actual first thoughts were: She looked as beautiful as I ever remembered her to be. Unfortunately for me, though, I wasn’t thinking about Betsy. Kalina, Kalina, Kalina. That was all my mind had been set to think of for the past few weeks. And I knew, I knew, that it was wrong; I almost hated myself for it. That was definitely the worst part of it all – to be completely aware of what I was thinking, yet not having enough control of my own mind to stop them from flooding my head. It was genuinely messed up that she still had so much control over my feelings and thoughts even when I was no longer in love with her. If I hadn’t known her better, I’d think that she had a voodoo doll locked up somewhere in her room.

When the waiter walked away with our orders, there was an uncomfortable silence that followed. Suddenly, I wished that we had gotten one of those annoying waiters who never stopped talking or recommending the chef’s choices, because then at least it wouldn’t be so awkward. Obviously, Betsy wasn’t saying anything because she was never part of our circle and knowing Kalina, she was probably too uncomfortable to ask me how I was considering she walked out on me. And Calum… Calum was drowning in too much guilt and secrets to even look at me.

Kalina cleared her throat, almost too loudly. Her eyes travelled back and forth between Betsy and I. “How did you guys meet?”

“At a library,” Betsy giggled (much to my annoyance. I mean, it was cute the first time I heard it but the subsequent times? Get me an earplug, please, for the love of God) and kept her hand on my shoulder while she told the whole story. Kalina nodded along, clearly disinterested.

“How did you guys meet?” I butted in, eyes trained on Calum as he looked away abruptly. What a prick. If only Kalina knew what he had done-

“No cute library story,” she nervously laughed and I almost regretted the subtle aggression I showed towards him, “We just met in university. And you know how I am, right? I tend to stick to people I already know, so I automatically leeched onto him for the rest of our semesters.”

I do. I know every bit of you, don’t you know that?

“What university did you guys go to?” she asked, playing with the edges of her nails.

Why don’t you ask your fucking boyfriend? He knows more than you think he does. But of course I didn’t say that. No matter how much I hated him and his well-off parents who thought happiness and emotional security could be bought, I didn’t dare mess with their relationship. She loved him and in some fucked up way that made me content.

“Leeds. Full scholarship,” I swallowed. That was what they told me to say each time someone asked. Betsy tensed up beside me and I wanted to take it all back. I wanted to rewind to the night I told her everything about home and the people I was surrounded with. She found my resentment for Calum reasonable and though she didn’t know him before this, she knew what he – and his parents - had done and she, too, had learnt to despise him.

“Oh my god, Michael!” she cheered and clasped a hand over her mouth as she realized that people turned their heads to look at her, “That’s so great! Remember when we talked about university pamphlets and you mentioned Leeds?”