Our Bizarre Life

Chapter 9: What is he thinking?

Assalamu Alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu everyone! 

First off, Ramadan Mubarak! May Allah grant you all a fulfilling, productive and successful Ramadan! Ameen! 

Second, I will be continuing writing again In Shaa Allah. I've been MIA for... a while now. But I finally finished four years of uni and I've never felt so relieved and anxious at the same time lol Anyways, there will be weekly updates as of today for this story In Shaa Allah. 

Jazak'Allah Khair and thank you so much for being patient with me. It's going to take a while answering emails and comments but I'll do my best in shaa Allah.

Well, enough about me. Please don't forget to pray first before anything and always keep the ummah in your duas, especially the countries that are suffering on a daily basis.  

Enjoy reading, and have a happy Ramadan. Don't forget to take advantage of this blessed month! 

Assalamu Alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu! <3 

Chapter 9: What is he thinking?

The second week of our marriage, and I still had no idea what to think of our situation.

Harun was staring down at me as I sat on the couch in the living room. His face seemed expressionless. Or rather... I couldn't tell because I couldn't bring myself to look at him straight in the eyes. He sat down on the ground right in front of me. Once I looked away, he sighed.

"Are you still scared of me?" He asked. After a few seconds of not answering him, he turned away. "Well, we already have separate rooms. So you don't have to worry about anything. If you're feeling uncomfortable, you can also choose to go home. If you want to keep to your own life without having me disturb yours, I'm okay with that as well." I finally looked at him and saw him looking out the window beside him. He didn't look angry, sad or frustrated. It almost seemed as if he knew this was going to happen.

"It's true... I'm scared of you." I said. "But we're still friends, right?" I asked, hesitantly. He turned to me slowly and put his head on his knee.

"I wonder." He replied, quietly, while he stared at me.

It was only then that I realized that I didn't want any of that.

"That's not what I want," I said.

"You should stop deceiving yourself, Raaida." He said as he stared at my trembling hands. "I'll be out for the day today." He said. I didn't do anything to stop him. I couldn't even bring myself to ask if he remembered me from the time we were kids. Was that all there was to it?

"Or better yet... we could end it." He suggested, before leaving the room. I stared at him, horrified. "You can make that decision yourself."

"W-What about you? Do you want it to end?" I asked.

"It doesn't matter what I think. I just can't bring myself to live with someone that's afraid of me."

"You didn't answer my question!" I screamed. "Can't you just talk? I don't know what you're thinking unless you tell me." I said, trying to calm myself down.

"Talk?" He asked, calmly. "What do you want to know?" He asked. All of a sudden, my mind went blank. I had all of these questions, but I was still afraid...

But what on earth are you scared of, Raaida?

He hasn't lifted his hand on you even once. He hasn't said anything to hurt you in anyway. If anything... he respects my decisions?

I rubbed my eyes. What's happening to me... ? Why was I starting to care so much?

"... Do you remember me?" I asked, quietly.

"What do you mean..." He asked, standing still, and staring at me as if he observing my every move.

"Come on, Harun," I said, trying to put a stop to the shivers running down my spine. "I would never agree to marry a stranger. We're not strangers." I said, stiffly. "What... happened to you?" I wasn't sure whether to look him in the eye or not, but suddenly I was staring at him straight. He looked alarmed and didn't know what to say. "And of course I'm scared! You're a complete delinquent! None of the bullies at my school scared me as much as you do! I can't tell what you're thinking or what you want! You say you've never had friends or anything, but no relationship would ever survive if you chose to stay silent!" My heart almost stopped. It was probably the first time since the fight that I ended up talking without fear.

The reality is that there's nothing to be afraid of. If he was going to kill me, I'd have already been dead due to my own fear.

"Whether I knew you or not..." Before he could finish, I interrupted him.

"Why did you marry me?" I asked, bluntly. "Sure, there was that promise between our parents' ages ago. But I don't think that alone would be the cause of this marriage." He looked at me, shocked. "Why did you pretend to not know me since the very beginning of this marriage?"

"Well..." He began.

"Well, what?" I asked, impatiently.

"Well... I can't say right now." He replied. "If you stick around, you might just figure it out on your own." He said, twisting his hair into a knot, and staring down, expressionless. "But it's not something I want to tell you just yet."

"I guess you should know something about me, Harun," I said, folding my arms, and staring at him sternly. The shivers were gone. And he looked more human to me now than ever before. "When it comes to matters of my own, I need to know everything. Everything. I don't have that much patience when it comes to matters concerning myself." I said. After staring at me quietly, he smiled.

"Sorry." He said, simply. After that, he left. And that night, I slept the most uncomfortable sleep. It was past midnight. I usually sleep around 11 pm but after all those twists and turns, I sat up in bed and thought to myself.

"Why the hell would he marry me?" I thought out loud. He had been out the entire day. He didn't show up even once at home once he left in the morning. "Am I supposed to just sit here as an anxious wife and wait for her husband's arrival every night? Where the hell is this idiot?" I groaned, then got out of bed. My hair was tied into a tight ponytail, and my head was throbbing. After letting out my hair, I began massaging my head as I walked out of my new room and down the stairs.

With my hair a mess, and my focus on my pained head, I bumped into something rigid. When I looked up, pissed off, I turned face to face with the cause of my sleepless night.

"You look like Medusa." He said, with an amused look. I laughed a sarcastic laugh.

"Ha ha. Thanks for the compliment." I replied, with malice. "Do you have any medicine?" I asked, still grumpy. "And where were you all day?" I asked.

"Sure... I'm still trying to figure out where all your fear vanished off to."

"Answer the question," I said, bluntly. He walked into the kitchen, opened a cupboard, and passed me a pill.

"Work." He replied.

"With your people skills?" I asked surprised. He shrugged.

"I'm not sure I deal with people exactly." He replied. Is he not sure? Well, whatever he works as, it doesn't concern me.

"I can't sleep," I said, looking straight at him. He just stared back at me confused. "Because you won't tell me why you married me." I said, "I mean, what if I can't sleep for the rest of my life...? Shouldn't you take responsibility and be upfront?" I asked.