Knock Him Off His Feet

After

Xavier throws a boy with hair like sun into the air.

He says he looks exactly like Foster, with shaggy golden locks on his head and big brown eyes.

Stubby fingers reach for Xavier's palm as he continues to swing the little boy this way and that, making him giggle and smile non-stop.

I watch him carry the little boy in his arms, cradling him closely to his chest. He reaches towards his stomach and tickles it, causing the boy to laugh again.

Sweet, sweet boy. Our boy.

"Be careful with him please!" I say, watching him rock the boy back and fourth. "Damien just ate. You don't want him to throw up all over you, do you?"

Memories of him as a baby spewing junks all over Xavier makes me giggle under my breath, though I quickly whisk it away when he plops himself beside me and sits Damien down in his lap.

"You're right, I don't want that." Xavier's arms slowly wrap around Damien's, his hands gently gripping both wrists to keep him steady. "That's enough playing for one day, alright buddy?"

An invisible hand grips my heart and squeezes when Damien looks up at his father, a quivered lip trembling so violently it causes tears to spring from his eyes.

"Don't cry, it's okay. Daddy will play with you after," he pleads, trying his best to stop the boy from crying. "I promise." He quickly glances at me for any sign of disapproval, only to turn back towards Damien with a grin.

Before now, I didn't know how well of a father Xavier could be. Frankly, it never crossed my mind if he wanted kids or not, or even that we'd ever have kids.

But over time, as I got to know who he was behind his stage name and that thick layer of black ink, I begun to realize that he was a natural caretaker. He loved things, even though he never seemed too.

He protected. He looked after. He gave the world colour when all everyone saw was black and grey. He wasn't always strong, but he still tried to be nonetheless. He did things for other people, and I think that's what made him special.

"You want more grapes Damy?" Xavier asks, pointing to the container of fruit.

No matter how hard Xavier's trying Damien still refuses to stop crying, pulling my attention away from my thoughts and urging both my arms out towards the child.

Xavier hesitates for a moment before handing me our son, crossing his bulky arms over his chest and pouting his lip.

"Do I need to take care of two kids now?" I say, following up my joke with a laugh. "He's just a little upset, that's all."

Xavier lies down on the picnic blanket and looks back at me. "I need to be able to go through one day without making him cry."

I cradle the little boy in my arms, wiping away his tears with my own hand and reaching for one of the napkins in the picnic basket. He takes it and crumples it up into a ball, using his stubby fingers to tear it apart.