in tongues. || myg ✓

demons

my entire life has been filled with demons. specifically the innerworkings of my mind. sadness always trying to claw its way out and take over everything i've worked so hard for. lately i've noticed that its taking the one thing from me that i don't think i could bare to loose. she's slowly started to retract from me. keeping her distance without making a big deal out of it. i get it. depression is a hard thing to deal with in a relationship. but i don't think she's fully grasping the ongoing battle i face every day.

"can we talk?" i say, sitting next to her on our cheap futon.

"sure. what's up?" her hair is pulled into a messy bun on her head, legs stretched out to rest on our coffee table and my tshirt sits at mid-thigh.

"you know i'm trying right? i'm trying to be my best for you and deal with my emotions."

"yoongi, i was waiting for this to come up. i know it's hard, but i just don't feel love coming from you. all i ever get when i'm around you is sadness."

"it's because i'm fucking sad. i'm working on things. i'm sitting here trying to remind you how hard it is for me and how i'm trying, for you." i grab the pack of cigarettes off the table and my lighter. standing up, i move to walk outside, but just before the door closes i hear her say something.

"i'm going away for a week with my parents. it'll be good for us to get away from each other for a bit." i roll my eyes at her through the balcony door before i turn to face the quiet city below me. i light the cigarette and take a long drag off it, closing my eyes as i exhale. she doesn't have to go away for a week to get some time apart from me. all she has to do is keep up what she's been doing for the past month.

when i finish my cigarette i drop it into my ashtray and go inside to my bedroom. she's taken up hibernation on the couch and refuses to sleep in the bed, even when i offered to leave it myself. i crawl under the covers, wrapping myself in the blankets as tight as i can. all i can hear is my breathing and the television blasting in the next room as she sleeps. i close my eyes as a tear trickles onto my face. they're taking my heart now and i don't know why.

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