Never Going Back Again

18. Eve

Work was her sanctuary. The only thing stopping Eve from having a breakdown was taking all the overtime on offer.

Which meant she was starting work at 5am and not finishing till nearly 6pm. Which gave Eve very little time to obsess over 'the kiss' with Harry.

She realised now she'd overreacted. She could see that her response to the whole situation had been over the top and unwarranted. She knew she'd given Harry mixed signals. She knew he wasn't out of line for thinking it might be acceptable to kiss her.

What she couldn't do was change the way she'd reacted. What she was trying to do, in the wee small hours between shifts when she was tossing and turning and struggling to sleep was to see the victory in saying no.

For years she'd been in a toxic relationship where saying no wasn't allowed. So many times Jake had placed his dirty hands on her legs or his lips upon hers and she could do nothing but allow it. Because saying no would end in a fight, verbal or physical. He controlled every aspect of her life to the extent that saying no to him, wasn't in her vocabulary.

But with Harry it had been so different. Slowly, he had given her the confidence, that she had the right to chose if she wanted to be kissed or touched. Even when she had pulled away from him, Harry had respected her decision and let her go.

So although she was lying in bed, crippled by fear that she'd ruined their budding relationship. She knew it had been a victory. But how would Harry every understand that without explaining her past to him. One thing Eve couldn't do.

After a few hours of fitful sleep Eve awoke to the shrill of her alarm. She quickly checked her phone to see that there were still no more phone calls or messages from Harry. Not that she expected there to be at 4:15am. She knew wishing him to phone again was stupid. He had reached out and she'd been too scared to answer. So she was well within her right to return his call and get the ball rolling. But fear, as ever, controlled her decision.

After a quick shower Eve was dried and ready for work. Tucking the phone safely into her pocket she left her room to start her shift.

*

Another 14 hour shift had knocked all energy from Eve's bones. She trudged down the corridor to clock out when she vaguely heard her name being called.

"Hi Margaret" She attempted a smile as one of her supervisors came striding towards her.

"Glad I caught you before you clocked out, Eve. You might be aware we're moving our wage slips onto the computer, onto the... online" The middle aged lady flustered.

"So I'll need your email address from you. For set up purposes"

"Oh" Eve paused "I don't have an email address."

"What?" Margaret asked, her eyes as wide as saucers "Why not? Even I have an email address and I don't know the first thing about technology!" She joked.

"Well I had one a long time ago. But I've not used it in years"

"I'm sure that's fine, give me that one. I'm sure it's only so you can log in and things" Margaret eagerly grabbed her clipboard, ready to copy Eve's email address.

Eve felt a shiver of apprehension as she recited her email address. One she'd set up years ago. The one her mum used to email her on, whenever she cared enough to keep in touch. Something that connected her to her old life. Something she didn't want reminded of.

Margaret noted it down then disappeared in a flourish, allowing Eve to finish her shift and head back to her room.

Her head was bowed as she dragged her body along the corridor towards her door. Working 14 hour days for 3 days now in addition to her sleepless nights were taking its tole and the exhaustion was creeping over her bones. She was going to spend her day off tomorrow in her bed. At that thought she felt a stab of sadness, knowing that she wouldn't be spending her day with Harry.