Strawberries and Cigarettes (lashton au)

Chapter 12

Luke was standing near the door, Ben staring, worried, and Jack pacing, angrily.

"Well?" Jack snapped. "We're here. So what the hell happened to you?"

Luke looked down to the floor. He didn't want it to come to this. He didn't want this to happen at all. But, his brothers came home from college on just the wrong day, and his dad was in just the wrong mood. But when was he not.

Luke took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "If I tell you—"

"When," Jack interrupted.

"When I tell you, you have to promise not t-to interrupt. It's hard enough as is to tell you, and I wouldn't if I could."

"When mom died, I was fourteen—"

"We know," Jack muttered. Ben kicked him while Luke glared.

"Sorry," Jack mumbled, and Ben motioned encouragingly for Luke to continue.

"When mom died, I was fourteen. You, Ben, were already off at college, and Jack, you were about to leave. You were both weren't there to see Dad decline. He started drinking, blaming me for mom's death. I didn't call you, I couldn't, because that would mean that I took you away from your futures.

"It wasn't more than a few slaps, some mean words, and a deadbeat dad until I was fifteen."

He stopped, still staring at the floor, and took a shaky breath. Luke closed his eyes.

"When I was fifteen, Dad s-saw me kissing a b-boy. And he hated it. He hated the fact I was gay. Despised me for it. That was when it got much worse. T-The words he screamed at me got worse, and I'd get beatings almost daily. I-I wanted to kill myself. But then Michael found out.

"Mikey, the bastard he is, followed me home one night, when I was sixteen, because me was concerned about me. I believe his plan was to sneak into my room and coax me into saying what was wrong. But no words were needed for what he saw. By the time he was in my room, I was bloodied, beaten, and bruised. I was 'inches from death' as he says, but I don't know, everything just hurt. Mike was desperate to tell someone, get me out of there, but I made him swear not to tell. And he didn't, because he knew if he did, it would crush me.

"Mike has been there for me, through it all, in these almost two years he's known. He's patched me up when I get too beaten up, gives me a place to stay when Dad makes me sleep on the ground, and has been like a brother to me."

Ben inhaled sharply.

"And then Ashton showed up. I love him, so much it hurts. He makes me smile wider than before, and I forget everything bad when I'm with him. He found out, too, last week actually. He wanted me to tell the police, but I told him I'd lie. That I can't. But he was patient with me. Is, patient with me.

"But, I mean, yeah. That's about it. Today, I went back, but Dad saw me kiss Ashton on the porch and snapped. So, I'm sorry I'm not the brother, or son, anyone wanted, or asked for. I'm sorry you're stuck with this faggot of a kid in your house."

Luke was breathing hard, still staring at the ground, on the verge of tears.

Just let it be quick, he prayed. If they hate me, let the abuse be quick. Let them kick me out as fast as possible.

They both looked shocked. Ben stood up, and Luke visibly flinched away.

Ben moved Luke's face up, eyes meeting his, and embraced him in a hug.

Luke bit back a whimper when Ben patted his back. Ben, letting go, said, "We will always be there for you little bro. Always. Me and Jack, we're your brothers, and we are not leaving your side. Fuck Dad, I don't care if you're gay, and I certainly don't think you killed Mom. So don't you think for a second that we'd leave your side."

All Luke could do was nod. Ben gave him a half smile, and stepped back a bit, making Jack in Luke's line of vision.

Jack, compared to the calm, soothing vibe that Ben let off, was a fire, burning and absolutely livid.

"How could you not tell us? Ben's damn right we're your brothers! We're supposed to be there for you! But how can we help if you don't even tell us there's a problem?"

"I didn't want to cause any trouble," Luke said quietly.

"Start any trouble? No, Luke, that's bullshit and you know it. We love you! And now to find out you've been lying to us about this for years? How-"

"It isn't that bad, I can take it."

"You can take it? Lucas, I saw you flinch away from Ben just now. Flinch! That does not show me that you are okay. I saw your face when he hugged you, which does not give me feel good feeling that 'it isn't that bad' and 'you can take it.' I call bullshit. Show me your back."

Luke visibly paled.

Ben stepped towards his brother. "Jack, calm down," he nudged quietly. "Don't pressure the kid."

"Like hell I won't pressure him. I need to make sure he's not lying to us anymore. So show me your damn back Luke."

Luke was becoming angry. "Fine, you wanna see my fucking back that badly, here!"

Luke pulled off the jacket that Ben had given him earlier, when his dad had kicked him outside with a tattered shirt on and no jacket, even though it was almost below freezing outside.

Luke's back was horrible. It was various shades of blue and purple and black, and there were scars covering it. There were footprints and obvious signs that a belt of some kind hitting his skin. A few of the wounds had even started to bleed again.

"You want the fucking truth Jack? You want to know that he beats me so much it bleeds, and scars, and hurts so fucking bad that I never want to get up in the morning? You want to know that I fear for my life anytime I walk through those doors?

"Because I don't want to tell you those things. I don't want to tell anyone those things. I'd much prefer I just get out of here in a year, and I tell no one and no one is bothered by my pathetic existence."

Ben visibly became 10 shades paler, and ran into the other room to throw up.

Great job Luke. You're so disgusting your own brother vomits at the sight of you.

Jack, meanwhile, said nothing and walked out the front door.

Luke internally sighed, then ran out the door after him.

He was standing on the balcony of the apartment floor, looking over the edge. The only source of light was the moon. Luke slowly walked up next to his brother.

They stood there, just staring straight ahead for what felt like forever.

"I just," Jack started, close to tears,"I just want— My job was to keep you safe. You're my little brother. And to hear, that so much bad has happened to you in the past few years, and that I—" Jack choked on his words. 

"That I wasn't there to help, that I didn't even know, is just a lot to take in. Yeah, I'm angry. That I didn't do anything. I know that I didn't know, but I feel like I should've. I should've noticed. Just, give me some time. To work through it, okay?"

They stared in silence some more.

"Okay," Luke said softly.

"I'm sorry you had to go through this."

Luke let out a sigh. I deserve it.

"Yeah," he said. "Me too."