50 sad songs

intro

50 sad songs
-intro-

"Ash.."

Malalim na ang gabi at tanging liwanag ng lamp shade ang natatanaw sa madilim kong silid. Wala akong ibang naririnig maliban sa paos mong tinig at sa puso kong malakas ang pintig.

"Bakit?"

"Pwede kitang puntahan? Gusto kitang makita. "

A smile formed underneath my heavy and sleep-deprived eyes.

"'Wag na." Sambit ko sa maliit na tinig.

Wala pa akong tulog ngunit sapat ang iyong boses upang panatilihin akong gising. Hinangad ko sa isipan ko na sana nandito ka, sa tabi ko; ang iyong boses, diretso sa tainga ko at hindi nanggagaling sa telepono.

Pero dapat sapat na ang ganito. Hindi ako puwedeng humingi pa ng labis. Mahirap sumugal sa isang puso hindi ka siguradong ikaw ang nais.

"Please?"

Napauntong hininga ako. Muli nanaman akong natalo. Natalo sa'yo. Natalo ng damdamin para sa'yo. Gaya ng madalas. 

"Okay.."

I lost because even though I told myself not to, I still find myself giving in to you.

Mali ang ganito. Mali ang mahulog sayo pero ginusto ko. Isa kang droga, na alam kong sasaktan lang ako at makakasira sa akin pero paulit ulit kong ginagamit dahil nakaka-adik, dahil masaya.

You were my escape to my loneliness, my happy pill. You were a drug that I became instantly dependent on. I found myself addicted to the dose of happiness you bring.

But too much is toxic. You became toxic.

I'm outside

Was the last message you sent.

I went downstairs silently. Every step was made carefully, afraid to make a single noise to wake my sleeping parents. I turned the knob slowly as if a single squeak would break the silence of the dead night.

And then there you are.

In front of our house, in your sweat pants and black hooded shirt and messy hair. Your deep hooded and melancholic eyes were mesmeric amid the night. Your red lips were bright crimson against the dark. I had to blink twice to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

And in front of you, I stood still.

Astonished. Heart pounding, admiring your beauty that was almost illegal.

"Are you just going to stand there?" Your lips protruded a bit, your amusement growing.

I laughed as I opened the gate and found my way to you. That was the beginning of many more secret nights. 

We sat on the back of the old chevy truck that my Dad owned. Had he known that his daughter is having a rendezvous with a guy on his pick-u[, he might have cursed the only property he ever adored.

"Umuwi ka na." Sambit ko bago sumulyap sa iyo. Napa-iling ka.

"Kararating ko lang, pinapauwi mo na ako?"