Good Day

Chapter 6

A/N: I am, so sorry,, I cannot commit to anything. This is going to be bad I apologize.

*Thomas's POV*

The soft sounds of Evan Hansen floated through the car as it hummed through country roads. I fidgeted with my fingers and anxiously bounced my leg up and down as I stared hard out the window. 

It had taken me so off guard when Jon kissed me that I panicked.  I had never been good at admitting I had feelings for people, especially once I realized they were for guys.  It was so easy to just float through life with friends to cuddle with that I had managed to avoid the anxiety that came with romance in my life. 

But now I felt awful.  With Jon's intermittent, increasingly distraught apologies the only things cutting through the tension in the car, all I wanted to do was be honest.  Tell him I felt the same way, but I didn't know if I was ready to actually do relationship things.  Maybe ever.  But it wasn't fair to demand that of him, so I stayed quiet.  I would let him get angry.  Then he would kick me out and move on and be happy.  And I would be happy for him. I would. 

I stole a glance of the soft, vibrant boy next to me.  His normally dreamy blue eyes were hard as stone, glimmering with unshed tears.  His jaw was hard, but somehow dejected, all the life taken out of him.  I could practically feel him curling in on himself, and I could barely stand it

I opened my mouth to say something, but all that came out was a stuttered cry of apology, quiet and choked.  Jon looked over at me, but in an instant back at the road, his hands visibly shaking.  Soft eyelashes swept his cheeks as he squeezed his eyes shut as if to block me out. 

We were entering the city again, the sounds of late night drunks and bright neon signs flashing across us.  Within seconds, it felt like, we were back.  The silence as the car shut off was deafening.  Jon opened his car door.  Instinctively, I grabbed his arm.

I must have looked ridiculous, my body stretched across the seats, anxious scratch marks up my neck and my shirt inside out in my haste from the beach.  But Jon just looked at me with a whole lot of sad in his eyes.  "Jon I-,"

"It's okay, Thomas.  I know.  I'm sorry.  It won't happen ever again."

And just like that, he left me stunned, sitting in the car like a fish out of water, frustrated and confused.

Not ever?