Krotty||"I'm Fine"

Part 2

Scott's POV:

My depression is as strong as ever.  

I thought that maybe it wasn't just depression but it was a sad point.  Until three weeks later, and it was four in the morning.  I hadn't slept for over twenty four hours.  Nearly fourty eight.  Maybe I should specify.  I guess, one night, I just started to realize what a fucking worthless piece of shit I am.  Like, seriously, I'm fucking dumb and ugly and fat.  Kristen even stopped cuddling with me until we slept.  Now it was like, she was on the bed but she wasn't really there.  You know what I mean?

Anyway, as all of these things shot down on me.  As all of my friends made fun of me (as usual) and all of my friends stopped vlogging with me and just...left me, I started to get it.  My content quality has gone down and I lost 1K followers in a week.  ONE THOUSAND PEOPLE STOPPED LIKING ME.  I bet most ppl don't even KNOW  a thousand ppl.  Let alone 1k people stop liking them.

That kind of shit is enough to get to anyone.  So I thought about how it used to be.  How, when I thought these things, I could just cut myself.  I grabbed a knife, and I placed it against my wrist.  I winced as I made the first cut.  It wasn't very deep and, to be honest, it took a couple tries to see any blood.  The blood started coming out quicker and quicker by the second.  It wasn't a lot but I hadn't cut in a long time so it was more of a surprise than anything.  The blood wasn't as warm as I had remembered it being.  It just sort of...itched? I think.  

I cut about four more times.  There was a light drip of blood onto the counter underneath my wrist, leading to a small puddle.  It horrified me to think I had gotten so bad again.  I wiped the counter with a baby wipe and washed my arm.  I put on some Toddy merch.  I didn't bandage my arm because I learned -after cutting for years- that they heal quickest if you let them be out.  Like, wear a kind of baggy, long sleeve.  So the cuts aren't in contact with everything but you're not suffocating them.  As I crawled into bed, I felt better.  It was like, all the horrible things were in my blood so I let some of them out.  Within ten minutes, I was out cold.