Krotty||"I'm Fine"

Part 5

HEY GUYS, PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS SONG! IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'LL REGRET IT OR ANYTHING! EVEN IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, LISTEN TO IT FOR ME PLEASE! IT'S CALLED ANXIETY SO YEAH

ALSO, THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO @Carmable03 for supporting my story! thank you so much, it doesn't go unnoticed!!

KRISTEN'S POV:

I can't believe it.  David was right.  David knew, all along, that Scotty was self-harming.  And yet I didn't.  I didn't get the memo.  God, I'm a shitty girlfriend. 
At about 9 in the morning, I could tell Scotty was asleep because of the way he moved. I've never told him because then he could pretend to sleep, but he always like, lifts his arms over his head, then puts them back down, then shifts from side to side when he falls asleep.  It's like how a dog circles its bed before going to sleep.  
I got up at about 9:30, when everyone else was waking up.  Well, everyone who lived here.  So yeah, Todd was waking up.  Zane and Heath arrived.  Then, at 10, David and Alex got here.  Brandon had been here.  Alex doesn't usually come so that was a pleasant surprise even though I'm not close to him.  Liza usually get's here at about 10:30 so she'll be here soon.  
"David, can I talk to you" I said

Knowing our friends, there were gonna be jokes that I'm pregnant with David's baby and shit like that but really, I didn't care
"David you were right" I said
"He's self-harming?" David whispers
"I caught him last night" I said 
"He was going to do it AGAIN?!" David whisper-yells 
(A/N: They both whisperin but yeah, I'm done saying "David whispers")

SCOTTY'S POV:
I could see David and Kristen walk into the bathroom.  I stopped, turned around, and put my ear to the bathroom door
"You were right" I could hear Kristen's voice
"He was self-harming" David's voice was barely audible
"I caught him last night" Kristen said 
"He was going to do it AGAIN?!" I could hear David's voice
"Yeah" she says
"Doesn't he KNOW?!" David said
"Know what?" Kristen asked
"How much he means to us?" David asked
"I guess not.  We need to make sure he knows" Kristen said.  
I could hear them walking to the door so I [Usain] Bolted to the living room
I was in there for a minute and I struck up a conversation with Liza (who walked in the door like, the second I got into the living room) 
"So hey, Liza" I said 
"Where is David?" she asked, scanning the room
"Actually...I don't know...Where is Kristen?" I asked in a convincing tone
"Hmmmm...they've been secretive.  Last night, he asked to talk to her in private then told me he'd tell me if it was actually 'serious' and I'm literally already hearing pregnant rumors" She said, clearly worried
"I assure you, it's not that.  Kristen isn't like that.  And neither is David" I say
"You 'assure' me? Do you know?" she asked
"No! I just trust Kristen!" I say, making it look like I feel insulted
"Sorry.  You're in the same situation as I am right now" she says
"Yeah, I guess" I say
"LIZA" I hear Kristen yell
"KWISTEN" Liza yells back
"Whatcha guys talkin about?" David asks
"You" I say
"What?" David asks
"Y'all been secretive.  And so we are confused." Liza says
"Sorry Liza" Kristen and David both say
"HELLO?!" I say, faking a smile to throw them off my trail
"Oh, yeah, you too" David says

"Come along, afterthought" Liza says, quoting the office (comment if you get that.  I made it it's own paragraph just so you could ;)   so yah)

"Hey. I love him.  And you, Liza" Kristen says in her baby voice, hugging me.
"ah.  I don't feel left out at all" david says
"Ah we love you too" Kristen says
"Come along, afterthought" I joke, smirking (okay I'm done now)

We all laugh and shoot some skits.  
I have a fake smile plastered on my face the entire time

*That night (like, midnight)*

KRISTEN'S POV:

Scotty was laying in bed after going to the bathroom and brushing his teeth.  I saw that he had earbuds in.  He was blankly staring at the ceiling 
"What are you listening to?" I asked
"hm?" He asked, taking out an earbud
"What are you listening to?" I asked again
"Anxiety by Bmike" He said
"Can I listen?" I asked
"Sure" he said 
"can I restart it" I asked
"Why not" he said, restarting the song.  
"Every single day breaks me to pieces, 
I face defeat at the feet of my demons
I'm such a fucking waste of achievment
I should put this trigger to my brain and just squeeze it"

Was the first stanza of actual singing
I wrapped my arms around him and leaned into his chest, letting the music keep playing
"These days, I just don't feel shit,
I don't feel a thing at all,
I don't feel like I exist"
I thought of the anti-depressants in the bathroom as the lyrics continue
"The sleeping pills don't work
The healing pills don't work
I still feel pain with the pain pills 
now those same pills don't work"
I looked at him and he was, yet again, blankly staring at the ceiling
"Step aside I need the pills
Step aside I need the Xannies
Step aside I need the Vicodin"
Bmike's voice was practically screaming as I thought of 
"Zoloft, Prozac, Lexapro, all anti-depressants that I've tried before" (Scotty's song; my life sucks)
When the song finally finished I whispered to him
"Have you heard any of his other songs?"
"No." he said
"can I play one?" I asked.

I had recognized the name 'Bmike' from a song that came up on recommended for me.  I found out I was on Scotty's account.  The song was called baby don't cut (also a good one).  I listened to it and realized that it was kinda good.  I like the accoustic version better. 
"Sure" he said
I played the song and he looked at the title
"UGHHHH" he said
"Calm down," I giggled "It's not that bad"
I could tell he liked the song and at the end, that was the part I was waiting for 
"Not one cut, not two cuts, not three cuts, it's four
The blood just started drippin from the, tub to the floor"
and then...
"He puts his arm around her shoulder 
trynna lean her back up
yellin out her name as he
lays her beside the bath tub
feels his whole world just got a hit from a big avalanche
Screamin out so heavily "sombody call an ambulance"
feelin red angry like
somebody's led her on to this

eyeballs are rollin
driftin out of counsiousness"

and then....
"now or later, the doc walks over with a sour face
and says 'excuse me for the words that I'm about to say
I'm sorry for your loss'

the boy just starts collapsin
His own world, his own girl, just took a crashin"
I was pleased that I found this song.  The main verse is 
"nobody seems to care
you feel you're on your own
but listen pretty lady you don't have to be alone
baby don't cut

baby don't cut
you can do anything just promise baby yeah

I know your heart is hurtin, you think the world is end

you may just feel that blade you're holding is your only friend

so baby don't cut..."

Yeah, you get it.  He is crying by the end of the song
"Scotty, I would die if you killed yourself.  Okay? Do you understand? I will ALWAYS be with you.  No matter what I have to do" I say

He nods and hugs me
"are you okay?" I ask

SCOTTY'S POV:

I get the whole message with that song.  I'm not going to kill myself.  Maybe.  But I WILL keep cutting.  No matter what song she throws at me.  I literally can't though when she asks
"are you okay?"

"I'm fine" I reassure her

So it has begun

A/N:

SORRY THIS CHPT WAS MOSTLY LYRICS! BUT LIKE, YOU GOTTA UNDERSTAND, THOSE LYRICS MEAN A LOT!