The Aftermath

59🥀

September 1996:
Justine

'You know, I really think Tupac should come back home?' I told Jennifer

'He is going home' Jennifer stated the obvious

'Yeah, I know that but like New York, he's lucky he survived those four shots' I said 'I can't let him risk it back in L.A.....Or anywhere where his enemies are' I said

'He got enemies back in New York too' Jenifer said

'That's in Brookyln, we come from the Bronx....Nah fuck that, over there is dangerous too' I gave up 'All I wanna do is free him from all the media so he could heal in peace until all the tension has died down so he can get back out there'

'Girl you gotta look after yourself too' she said 'You three weeks now let us help him while you get rest'

'No, I have too, I got him into this mess, imma fix it' I felt guilty

'Justine, how many times does everybody gotta tell you that it ain't your fault, you ain't pull the trigger, you ain't plan shit'

'I don't care, I jinxed this whole thing'

Today Tupac was going home today, but this was really gonna be my last time seeing him until I can get my head right. See I don't really know where he's gonna go from this point onwards but I'm gonna return back to New York. It's not that I'm just pregnant but it's because too much has happened to me. I need time to get my head straight, time to know what I'm gonna do with my life. It's got me thinking if I should come out the music industry and just take a break from it all. I just wish it was 1990, where no beef was happening, I didn't get abused....twice, not sexually assaulted, cheated on several times, nearly getting killed in a car accident, gun and driving probation.......it was too much.

Then again I have an album that is set to be released in January, most of the songs I haven't finished recording and there is no way in hell I was going to rush all of that at a time like this.

My body dropped.....

The doctors came out informing us what kind of medications he'll be on and to stay well rested which I understood but the one that shocked me was when he said that he may not live for long. I know his injuries were life threatening but I can't believe they're still. I thought they were on the process of healing but it looks like they are not.

'Why don't you keep him in the hospital still if they are so life threatening?' I asked shaking

'He's fine now but if he feels unstable at some point he will have to come back here' he stated

'He's unstable now!' I started to tear up

'Yes we know but if it ever-'

'You know fuck this, y'all ain't wanna help him and I made it worse for him, I hope y'all happy!' I lashed out walking away

'Justine!' Mary yelled as for grip of me

'Get. The. Fuck. Of. Me!' I said with venom in me

I never lashed out at Mary before, and I shouldn't have just now. She's been nothing but there for me from day one and this is how I repay her. She don't need a friend like me, me taking out all my anger on her, she's really going to hate me.

Since my ankle was still hurt and I couldn't drive, I really had no where to go from here.

Probably might just end it from here....

September 1996:
Tupac

I was in the worst ever condition ever, worse than the first time I got shot. My arm, head, leg, finger all wrapped up in shit. I feel different, I feel like I'm missing something and that's because of my right lung not in me no more, instead I've got this plastic shit inside of me. I just wish I could've died there on the spot, I would be selfish because of how God gave me a second chance and I'm not grateful, but I rather be dead in peace then living with so much pain in me. I can't even really anything, can't perform as much, be out as much damn I need to stay out public ASAP!

I came out of the room with Kidada behind me, the only person I really wanted to see was Justine but, she wasn't there.

'Where's Justine?' I asked

'Umm.....she went of somewhere' Mary said

'Like where?' I began to get worried 'She's okay....right?'

Without her saying something else, Mary just broke down 'I don't know if she's okay, she just left completely mad, didn't want anyone to talk to her'

And I thought everything was going to get better......