It was not supposed to be like this. All the mental illnesses, chronic pain, diabetes, brain tumor, migraines, having kids who inherited my mental illnesses, abuse by my step brother. Mae being abused. Gaining weight. Overweight. I'm a terrible mess. Mary saying she is transgender. I want my girl back. I want my kids innocent again. I want a neat, orderly house, I want to lose weight, I want to not have chronic pain, I want to be closer to God. A lot of wants that can't happen. Mae was abused by her ex boyfriend and his mom. Mary does want to be a boy. I keep hoping it's a phase. But it's not going away. After she sees her therapist it's a long night of whining. After she sees her friends it's a long night whining about she's really a boy. Nobody understands. I've tried the God way. God made you a girl for a reason. Your not a mistake. Your a blessing. Ugh!!!! I'm trying hard to be compassionate, but I just want to scream" your a girl, suck it up buttercup ". But I don't. I listen trying not to show on my face how disturbed I really am.
The doctors think Mae may have multiple sclerosis. I'm super scared. But I want her to get some pain relief. She is in so much pain. Makes me sad & angry. I didn't see this coming. Blindsided me.
I'm sad and down. I have to watch my moods carefully. I see my psychiatrist on Monday. My meds are fine I think. It's all situational. But I have to monitor myself. Sleep, eat and walk. Do chores, shower, pay bills. All those necessary things.
Hugs. Ann
