Belle's Bakery

Panic Attacks and Reassurance

Trigger Warning: Panic Attacks. Please take care and let me know if I've said anything that triggers you and I'll do my best to edit it

He'd been released from hospital a few days ago after making a full recovery and he now lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. His limbs just weren't cooperating and he found that his motivation was seriously lacking in wanting to get out of bed. Lethargy tainted him and his brain whirred slowly like an old steam train. He reached out for the glass of water on his bedside table and sipped it, occasionally looking morosely out of the window. He could hear the birds chirping cheerily and watched the trees wave at him in the gentle breeze. His clothes were thrown on the floor and he wondered if he would be able to get dressed. Arun picked them up and stared at them for a few minutes, his brain trying to remember how to put them on. He counted to ten then summoned a small amount of energy to get dressed before climbing back into bed. Since his hospital admittance, he'd been given medication that he needed to take so he found the bottles of pills and took out the correct dosage, forcing them down his throat. He grimaced at the bitter taste as they slid down his throat.

Suddenly remembering that he was going to meet his newly appointed therapist in an hour, he clambered out of bed, his limbs feeling like lead and tried to look presentable. He barely managed to pull a drawstring hoodie and some jogging bottoms on before he quickly combed his hair. He still felt that this was an achievement due to the overwhelming feeling of fatigue and insufficiency that permeated his brain. Arun tried his best to ignore it and ate a meagre breakfast, not feeling up to anything larger. Sighing, he went to clean his teeth, hating himself for his inability to do the basic, mundane things in life. Jealousy invaded his thoughts as he reflected on Monique's ease in completing such tasks. He tried to blink that away knowing it wouldn't aid him in the long term and decided to get a taxi to his appointment. He knew that a walk in the fresh air would have done him good but his brain balked at the suggestion of it.

He ambled wearily outside and climbed into the taxi barely muttering a hello along with the place he wanted to the driver before falling into silence, gazing aimlessly out of the window, watching the dreary grey world glide by. Eventually they arrived at the clinic and Arun quickly handed the driver his fare, mumbling a thank you and a bye before climbing out.

After he'd checked in, he sat in the waiting room feeling as though he was in a bubble and that the other people were figments of his imagination. He could feel the walls closing in on him and his mind screamed at him to leave but he knew he couldn't, he had to go through with this appointment. His mouth went dry and his windpipe tightened as if he were being strangled or choking. Agony coursed in his chest and he brought his hand up against it, trying to restore it back to normal but to no avail. His hand shook, the bones and veins clearly visible. Tears began to build up in his eyes and he struggled, refusing to let them fall, trying to hide his overwhelming panic. His breathing deepened, chest heaving as he tried to desperately take in oxygen. He began to shake, nausea rising up his throat as his stomach churned. Heart palpating painfully and cold sweat drenching his skin, he shivered and opened his mouth as if to call out for help but the words never made it passed his lips. He looked up, other people blissfully unaware of his anguish. He bit his cheek, hard, the pain causing the metallic taste of blood to invade his taste buds. He hoped that this would bring him back but it didn't and his torment continued.

However at that moment he made eye contact with a woman across the waiting room from him and she recognised his distress. Quietly she stood up and made her way over to him, her eyes asking for permission to take the seat next to him. He nodded slightly, the small movement the only affirmation that he was able to give currently. She sat and gently started to talk to him. "Do you want to go? You don't have to stay you know, if you need to then you can book another appointment?" She spoke soothingly, grabbing his hand in reassurance. At any other time this might have been strange but in this situation Arun accepted her support with open arms.

"N-no" he stammered "n-need to s-stay here, h-have to g-go to this a-appointment"

"Alright" she said "do you want to get some fresh air for a minute?" He shook his head unsure if he would be able to move. She nodded and left it.

"This is only temporary, this will end soon. Don't lose hope okay?" She told him, he smiled weakly in answer. "You're safe here, just try and breathe for me. Breathe in" He took a shaky breath and held it for four seconds "Breathe out" He released his breath slowly, counting four seconds in his head then he repeated the process, gradually calming down.
"What's your name?"

"Arun" he whispered.

"Arun" she confirmed "My name's Louise" he nodded. "Take as long as you need, I'm here"

"Thank you"

"No problem"

He felt himself calming down and the constricting feeling faded. His heart rate returned to normal and his level of nausea ebbed slightly. He sighed in relative relief though he now felt drained and exhaustion permeated his every thought. Panic had been replaced by tiredness.

"I think I have some chocolate in my bag. It might make you feel less tired. Would you like it?" He nodded gratefully as she fished an unopened bar of chocolate out of her handbag and gave it to him. "Thank you so much, you've been a massive help"

"No problem I know how it feels I have them myself and it's awful. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy." He agreed before eating a few squares of chocolate, going to hand it back to her.

"Keep it, I've got another bar in my bag" At that moment his name was called and he stood up taking a deep breath before saying goodbye and going into his appointment, trying to compose himself. Then he opened the door.

Author's Note: Thank you for reading this chapter of Belle's Bakery, I'm so sorry that it's taken so long. I hope you enjoyed it and if you did please vote and comment. Constructive criticism is welcome too of course. Thanks to Arnold Kumar  for your support across all of my works, it's massively appreciated. But for now, thanks for reading and I'll see you next time.