Before he wakes

F o u r

Mother and I arrived home just after five-fifteen. The rain had began again and the wind was violent. We hurried indoors, glad to be out of the dreaded weather. Aunt Carla was away for the week so Mother and I were alone with just Tamzin and Martha, Aunt Carla's loveable cats.

They came strolling in through the kitchen meowing their greeting. Mother slipped off her shoes and coat and then headed into the kitchen with them trailing closely behind. I sat on the foot of the stairs and untied the lace on my boots before releasing my throbbing feet. I put my head in my hands and breathed heavily. I felt so warn out. My body felt weak as though I could pass out at any given moment.

"Arl? Would you like a drink?" Mother called from the kitchen. My eyes prickled with tears.

"Arleen? Arleen- Oh love."

She sat beside me on the stair and kissed my forehead before pulling me into her chest. I clung to her childlike as I sobbed. I hadn't cried in so long. I hadn't been able to feel any emotions. I was lost;helpless. I let out a gasping cry as I pulled my Mother closer to me, my head buried in her chest. My mind was racing as though it was filled with a pack of enraged animals.

"Oh Arl, my little love. What has that brute done to you." She sighed. We stayed hugging for what felt like hours, my body resting against the warmth of her. I felt safe.

Mother kissed my head and then ordered me up to bed to get some rest before she started dinner. I followed her up the staircase, gripping hold of the banister to steady myself as I went.

Mother draw the curtains as I slipped on the nightgown that she had left out for me.

Climbing into bed, Mother eased the duvet around me, making it appear as though I was in a nest. I lay still, my body relaxing.

Mother planted a kiss on my forehead and then snapping off the bedroom light whispered "Sweet dreams."

"GET OFF! PLEASE! I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT I'LL DO BETTER PLEASE." I struggled beneath the vigorous shadow that loomed above me, restraining my attempts to break free from its hold. I gasped for air, my heart pounding against my chest.

"Get off me, please!"

This is it, he's going to kill me I thought

I thrashed under the heavy figure, shrieking in fear.

Suddenly I awoke and found my Mother leaning over me, panicked.

"Arleen love, you were having a bad dream again. It's okay, you're safe now."

She sat beside me on the bed and hugged me hard as I fought for breath. My body was shaking and engulfed in sweat.

I had been having night terrors ever since what had happened, which was why I had been avoiding going to sleep. I hadn't wanted to visit the doctor, I had felt too embarrassed. He would've thought I was crazy. A grown woman fighting imaginary figures in the dead of night? Ludicrous. Aunt Carla suggested sleeping tablets, but I didn't feel that would do much assistance. An old friend of mine had been prescribed them by his doctor and had said they had made him incredibly ill. My mind was always on constant alert for a single sound ; a creak of a door, the engine of a car being cut as it came into the driveway, the thudding of footsteps on the stairs. Most nights while I lay paralysed in the dark, I could swear I could feel him lying beside me, his breath hot against my skin, his aftershave strong and sickening. I rarely ever looked into a mirror. I couldn't recognise the reflection that stared back at me; a lifeless figure, battered and bruised. I felt vulnerable and ashamed. Mother had reassured me that it wasn't my fault, but of course it was.

The first time Myron hit me was the day that Harper died. When Myron and I had moved to our own home after getting married, an opportunity arose at a local newspaper office and both Myron and I jumped at the chance. We were both given equally similar jobs however I was given the more demanding role, which Myron said he didn't mind. It was a job I enjoyed going to everyday and as it was close to home, Myron and I were able to drive home for lunch if we were both on the same shift, which most of the time we were. I had left for work earlier than usual that morning as I had a colleague to say goodbye to that had been given a better position at a different office. Myron said he would drive himself to work later on and that he would see me at morning break. I had said goodbye to Harper and explained that I wouldn't be home for lunch that day as we were having a goodbye party at the office. She had wagged happily and licked my nose as though to say she would miss me very much.