the quiet ° phan

xvii. find

Phil could barely sleep. He had his eyes open most of the night and woke up an hour early for no reason. Even so, he didn't feel the least bit tired.

Last night's events gave him so much strength. Every time he kissed Dan, he felt electricity. The unexplainable energy created by their connection powered Phil through the day without much sleep.

Phil arrived at Dan's house half an hour early. He waited outside in his car but couldn't stay away for very long, so he went to Dan's front door a minute early.

You're early, Dan told Phil after opening the door for him.

Phil gave him a smile that conveyed how he felt: he just couldn't wait to see Dan's face. Dan felt the same way. He could barely eat his breakfast due to excitement, nerves, and anticipation. He stared at the clock and waited for the minute hand to reach the 6. Turns out he didn't have to wait that long for Phil to come.

There was no conversation on the drive to school, only stolen looks at one another. They were no longer afraid to get caught staring. Every time blue eyes met brown ones, so much love and emotion passed between them. The air between them was thick and sweet and bubbly.

School was the same as always. People talked and pointed, but now, the two boys only saw one another. Everyone else was part of a blurred out background and they were living in HD in the foreground.

Phil proudly held Dan's left hand in his right one as they paraded around the school. Dan didn't even flinch. He'd been healed by time, pills, and kisses.

After the torture of English, a breath of fresh air reached them in the form of Louise Pentland.

"Hello, lads!" she said as she joined them on their journey to their next class.

Dan smiled at Louise and, for the first time, Phil did too.

Louise couldn't stop giggling and looking over at the boys as they walked.

"What?"

She pointed to their interlocked fingers. Dan blushed a little.

"You don't have to be ashamed. Anyway, you two are super cute together."

Dan blushed even more. Phil tightened his grip on Dan's hand and gave Dan a look.

"Well, I'll see you at lunch," Louise said. "You can tell me all of the details then."

She walked away to her classroom and left the lovers behind.

Dan shook his head and Phil laughed as they thought about their friend while walking to their class. Still, it felt good to have someone accept them.

• • •

"Phil?! I'm a bit surprised."

He's full of surprises.

"Dan says I'm full of surprises," Phil said with a smirk.

"Yeah, but you also have a problem with not accepting love. I just feel like Dan would've been the one to initiate it since he wants love."

"Guess not."

"So then what happened?"

"I took Dan home and we kissed again, but this time, he initiated it."

Louise just smiled and stuck her fork into her salad.

"You two are perfect for each other, you know?"

Neither of them knew what to say to that. They both knew that perfection was unattainable and nonexistent, but that didn't mean things couldn't get close. However, there was no way to know if what they had fit that description. It was dangerous to hope for that but just as dangerous not to.

"Don't look now, here comes troubledee and troubledum," Louise said.

So of course, they looked. Dan made eye contact with Joe for a moment, then looked away. Out of the corner of his eye, Dan saw Phil stir. He worried that Phil would do something rash to worsen the situation. When Dan raised his hand to sign to Phil and tell him not to fight back, Phil did something unexpected: he grasped Dan's hand and wove his fingers in between Dan's.

Dan was a bit surprised and definitely had a noticeable pink tint to his cheeks. Phil, on the other hand, wore a noticeable smile as Caspar and Joe walked by. The two kept their eyes trained on Dan and Phil's hands as they rounded the table. Accidental or not, their gaze was noticed by quite a few people. A few meaning three. But to those three, it was a huge victory.

Phil tried not to let go of Dan's hand the rest of the day unless it was absolutely necessary. In the past, every time he let go of Dan even for a second, something bad happened. So Phil would keep Dan close to him and protect him like a guide should. After all, he just got him; he wasn't about to lose him.

Finally, the day ended. The two boys went to their adjacent lockers. This was how it always should've been and how it should always be. Them, together.

"Want to come over to my house?" Phil asked Dan as he turned the dial to the third number of his locker combination.

Dan didn't even have to sign to respond. All it took was for his dimples to appear. Now more than ever, they were so close that they didn't need to exchange words to understand each other.

Dan went to Phil's car and they got inside. The drive was peaceful. They didn't talk during the drive, but the silence wasn't uncomfortable. They could feel the love coming from one another, and that was enough.

Even in the quiet, their hearts beat loud enough for everyone to hear, and they didn't care who knew. After a lifetime as social outcasts in isolation, they found someone who made them feel wanted. And they found something even greater.

Finally, happiness.