A suspiciously odd amount of Short Stories.

>>She was Smiling<<

She is smiling at me. In this moment right now, in the situation that I find myself in. This uncomfortable space. She smiles at me. To give off the sense that it's not such a big deal. It might not be a big deal to her. But it is to me. Yet she keeps smiling that stupid... beautiful smile of hers as she tosses me aside. Like I don't even exist. Maybe I don't exist, maybe I am just a figment of everyone's imagination. Once i'm truly forgotten, I will fade away and cease to exist. I guess i'll be fine with that. Keeping my mouth shut and the words I want to say hidden is my specialty after all. Nobody will ever realize my absence. 

Yet she is still smiling. I don't know how she does it. I know she's hurting. Somewhere, somehow. Maybe not the same way I am, but pain is pain no less. I want to comfort her, but how can I when all she ever does is cast me out and tell me shes okay. She is not okay, we are not okay. Things are not okay. This uncomfortable space I settled into is nowhere near 'okay' at all. It's not somewhere anyone should be. Yet I can't quite go forward, that door is locked. I could go backwards, but it will definitely leave a scar. The safest way to continue is to not continue at all, and stay here in this uncomfortable hurting space.

We all know how the saying goes.

"Sticks and stone may break my bones but words will never hurt me."

How I wish i could believe that. Yet I have believed it to be false. Because words have definitely harmed me. Not physically at first. Yet, as time went on the words found themselves taking control of my body. Thus words have learned to hurt me. So I decided to surround myself in silence. But I quickly realized silence hurts just as much as words. Especially the silence between two people. The pain is strongest when its between someone you hold fondly. Someone you like, adore, admire, respect. Someone you love. 

All of this is bouncing off the stone cold walls in my head as she stands there. Smiling at me. With that beautiful smile she wears on her face. The silence between us is beckoning and hurtful. Not to her, but to me. Can she see the pain on my face? Can she hear my heart pick up the pace and scream as if it wants to break free of my skin? Can she read the thoughts in my mind and the story in my eyes as my hands cover my mouth to keep the words I want to say at bay? The words I want to say, and would regret? Not regret completely, as they are the truth. But regret enough, to leave a gaping wound?

I decide to squeeze my eyes shut and look away. I try to take deep breaths to steady myself. I shouldn't be feeling this sort of way. Yet I am anyway. Why am I feeling this way? This is stupid. I am stupid. Life is stupid!

As you walk away and leave me behind I open my eyes. My hands fall to my sides and curl into fists. My gaze fixates on the tiles on the floor. My mouth opens and I speak in small shaky breaths.

"I love you, idiot. Your determination, your sense of humor, your talented abilities, your love for the things in the word, your creativity, your knowledge, everything that makes you... amazing. I love you, and I can't help it. Or take it back if I wanted to."

Maybe you heard some of it, maybe you heard all of it. But as I look up to see you walk away, you turn around. You smile at me, then leave me with the silence again.