Poems, short stories, poetic thoughs, and slam poetry

Broken promises..

"Im so sorry.." I mean... What else can i say

I did out of my OWN stupidity.. Don't blame yourself. I know love, life is difficult.. But you gotta push through. Only 5 months ago I was afraid to say the three words that describe my feelings for you.. 'i love you' always repeated in my head around you when the butterflies filled my stomach and my heart skipped its beat.

Shit! How could it be.. That someone like me.. Could be...    WHAT AM I THINKING. 

she loves me.. She loves me... She loves me ...

the thought of last summer returns, "i HATE you!" I tear up at the thought. . . "I dont need you" more tears follow. 

C-could it still be..  Did she mean it..  Will she mean it... Is that why she screamed it...? Fine.. I can play that card.

Hate me ...No, love me, thats all i want.. One cut.... Two cuts.... 3 cuts, four. Im feeling light headed, im feelin finished. I fall back. My last thought, 'She. Doesnt. Need you.' My second thought, 'you promised you wouldnt do this again...' And the last thing that crossed my mind .. Was that beautiful smile, beautiful face and eyes, and the word i love you from her lips as i disappeared into the darkness that i know all too well.

i wake up in a jolt, my Aunt by my side shes crying.. Crying and askin me why. I sit up slowly, "life is too hard... I want to die..." My aunt stops, "I know life is hard baby, but ya gotta try. Because ultimately when you succeed youll be so proud. And so will she." She spoke to me softly that last part pointing to my girlfriend's picture. 

 i realized it was all in my head, what am i still doin in this bed!? I get up no matter how much pain, she takes me home and i write a long passage, im feeling guilty like my body was built to be. 

I get on, shes asking if i knew whats wrong. How could i? I was gone, she proceeds to tell me and i feel more guilt press against my chest. Im crying i start typin i wish she was here so she could see the tears, oh the tears, the ones that show im sincere. I typed and told hwr everything. "i Broke my promise baby" thats all i could say.. I mean how do you make up to someone for trying to take your life away. She says its okay... She said some dreaded words. Suddenly... My guilt is gone.

My promise seemed restored. I rest assured my promise will be kept and I apologized a thousand times it seemed, or maybe thats just me. 

My brain is saying just a couple things... 'keep your promise... Thatll be the key...'