20 First Kisses

Fifth Year Feelings

Simon

It's fifth year, and I've just gotten back to Watford after spending Christmas break with the Wellbeloves. It was nice getting to spend time with Agatha, but it didn't turn out the way I had expected it to. I had planned on asking her out after Christmas, and I even had it all planned out. It was going to be sweet and romantic.

But when the time finally came, it just didn't feel right anymore.

It wasn't that I was too nervous or that I chickened out. I just didn't want to. After four and a half years of pining after her, I was starting to realize that maybe I was wrong about my feelings. Maybe they didn't go beyond friendship. I'm just glad that I figured that out before I asked her out.

When I get to my room, Baz isn't there yet. I still have a little bit more time before he gets here. A little more time before I have to start following him around again, trying to figure out what he's plotting.

Before the break, I followed him down into the catacombs several times. I was trying to find proof that he's a vampire. So far, I haven't had any luck.

I change into my uniform almost immediately. It makes Watford feel more real, and it makes me feel like I actually have clothes that belong to me.

When I step out of the bathroom, Baz is there, standing at the end of his bed. My draw drops and a strangled noise comes out of my throat. He turns and sneers at me.

I try to say something, but I choke on my own words.

Baz

When I get to our room, Snow is already there, banging around in the bathroom. He never manages to do anything quietly. I set my violin and bag at the end of my bed and start putting things away. I hear Snow exit the bathroom, but I don't acknowledge him.

It takes everything in me not to turn and stare at him. It's been a couple of weeks since we last saw each other, and I had hoped that my feelings for him would go away. But they didn't. If anything, they grew stronger.

I realized how I felt about him not long after fifth year started. It was sometime after I tried to scare him with the Chimera but before he fell down the stairs. (I didn't actually push him like I told my aunt.) (He just happened to fall down them after I punched him. I felt bad, thinking maybe I seriously hurt him.)

Anyway, my feelings didn't go away, and now, I can't stop thinking about kissing him. Over break, I played sad songs on my violin nonstop. My stepmum, Daphne, kept asking me if I was depressed. She started talking to my father about sending me to see a psychologist or something, so I had to tell them something.

I probably could have just made something up, but I really did want them to know the truth. Obviously, I couldn't tell them that I was in love with Simon Snow, one of the people that my family was currently trying to get rid of, so I told them half of the truth. That I'm gay.

My father wasn't mad exactly, but he wasn't too pleased either. I had expected him to yell or kick me out, but after a day or two of barely talking to me, everything went back to normal. I suppose he just decided to ignore my gayness.

Daphne didn't mind at all. She actually wanted to know who it was that I was pining for. I couldn't tell her, but I did assure her that it wasn't Dev or Niall before they came over to hang out for the day. She told me that if I ever wanted to, I could talk to her about it or she would find me someone to talk to before she dropped it completely.